Mood swings

[Sweden99]

I am usually quite good at deescalating situations.
We had dinner and wine last night and friends round, and tomorrow my wife has a presentation that she is very, very nervious about and has made her insecure.
Usually I can help mitigate and understand. We did a run through of her prestnation, had a chat about how to make it easier, I am dropping her off tomorrow morning.
But, it was all a bit much and I am now hiding in our car in the woods! She was insecure and started accusing me of various things and getting under my skin. As far as I can tell, it was to deliberately provoke me, as it is hard when insecure not to take it out on those around you and see them as wicked.
I have had to remove the Facebook messenger app as I am getting lots of accusations.
But clearly I am failing here. What is the best approach for people who have been in my wifes shoes? Because I am doing very badly at this

How often do you end up deescalating situations?. Weekly, monthly, daily?. You hiding in a car in the woods is a problem in its own right. Men can be victims of domestic violence too.

What if anything do you know about her family background, what was her childhood like?.

Do you have children?

How does she behave around other people in the outside world?. If she is all sweet and nice with them this treatment of you is solely reserved for you.

There is no excuse or justification for her abusive and otherwise ill treatment of you. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. Would you be willing and able here to talk to Mankind?. I will put up a link for you.

https://mankind.org.uk/

She is troubled and had a troubled past. Right now, if she were posting on here, you would hear of a selfish, racist, sexist who is abusing her (I confess, I recall that when reading on here).

This si also a woman who has a job, does housework etc, and is typically caring and loving when not stressed. We were even doing a five minute meditation together to help cope with the stress, but these things can backfire.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

I was not at all surprised to read she has a troubled past. She learnt an awful lot of damaging lessons about relationships when she was growing up. Like practically all abusers she is blaming everyone else but her own self.

She is not just stressed and that is no excuse either, she is abusive. What you are seeing from her is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one. I would urge you to get help for your sake from ManKind because ordinary men like you can be victims of abuse too. It’s not your fault this has and is happening to you. She does this too because she can. You have every right to lead a life free of abuse.

...and in line with that, I would stay single if this relationship ended.
It has blown over.
I have been in many relationships. Enough to know that the Mumsnet version of what a typical wife is like is a fantasy. This relationship is the best of any I have known. I have a wife who does her share of housework, has a job and genuinely says sorry and I have been round the block enough to know that makes me very lucky.
This used to be regular, therapy has made a massive difference and these blow ups are only occasional now.