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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling like a useless partner

9 replies

Worrieddad1237 · 14/01/2024 20:13

Hi

I posted a few nights ago about if it was me being the issue because I am struggling to do more around the house as well as working full time.

This weekend has been the eldest DC's 5th birthday so been busy through it all and honestly I have hit a wall. Been out both days with the family and now I am trying to do things around the house and just really struggling to have the energy.

I suffer from depression and feel like I have overspent my spoons if you understand this but honestly there is still so much to do.

Am I just being harsh on myself or do I need to look at other things. I love everyone in the house but I feel like I'm letting my partner down.

TIA

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 14/01/2024 20:23

Does your DP do his fair share around the house after work?

Octavia64 · 14/01/2024 20:25

If you need a break take a break.

Birthday parties are knackering at the best of times - you can't do everything in one weekend.

Frankly after a party I have myself the evening off and drank wine.

Worrieddad1237 · 14/01/2024 20:27

Opentooffers · 14/01/2024 20:23

Does your DP do his fair share around the house after work?

I am he lol. And I try to but probably don't do enough.

OP posts:
Worrieddad1237 · 14/01/2024 20:28

Octavia64 · 14/01/2024 20:25

If you need a break take a break.

Birthday parties are knackering at the best of times - you can't do everything in one weekend.

Frankly after a party I have myself the evening off and drank wine.

I just feel so bad for doing that though

OP posts:
nixnjj · 14/01/2024 20:29

I get spoons, if you've used then all you need to rest. I've been meaning to hoover for 2 days now and the world hasn't ended

nixnjj · 14/01/2024 20:32

Can you speak to your partner, explain how you feel and make a promise to do something nice in a few days when you feel better, my son will accept pot noodle for tea with a promise of a roast when I'm up to it.

Worrieddad1237 · 14/01/2024 21:11

nixnjj · 14/01/2024 20:32

Can you speak to your partner, explain how you feel and make a promise to do something nice in a few days when you feel better, my son will accept pot noodle for tea with a promise of a roast when I'm up to it.

I have, she sort of gets it but it's still really hard with 2 kids.

OP posts:
Holdingsteady · 14/01/2024 21:40

Hi, the fact that you are aware that there are things that need doing is a good sign. I know exactly where you are coming from and I usually run short of “spoons” by lunch time.

I suffer from an auto immune disease which requires some hefty medications, this leaves me feeling drained and often exhausted.

In order to cope, I simply do what I can, when I can.

I keep the freezer stocked with ready made lasagna, pizza, sausages, breaded chicken pieces etc. this is the food we will be eating when I’m not fit for cooking fresh home cooked meals.

if I’m having a good day, I will batch cook beef curry, or beef stew, spaghetti bolognaise, chicken pasta etc. We will eat as much as we want and the rest is frozen for another day.

I keep a list of things that need doing regarding house maintenance. My list might include cutting the grass, cleaning the windows, doing the laundry, washing the car, painting the spare room etc.

depending on how much energy I have, I look at the list and see what’s urgent and what’s manageable.

Laundry is probably the most urgent and easiest thing on todays list, so I will put the machine on and while it’s doing it’s thing i will take another look at my list.

I know I don’t have the energy to wash all the windows, so I will do the ones on the front of the house downstairs only. I will wash the outsides with soapy water and use the squeegee, but inside will only use window spray and a duster as they are not so dirty inside.

then I will take a break, have a cup of tea and relax with a book for half an hour while the washing finishes.

Peg out the washing and then sit down for ten more minutes.
Have another look at the list, is there another job i can tackle today or do I need to reserve my remaining spoons for preparing the evening meal??

to be honest, I’m not up to grass cutting or decorating today so that will stay on the list for another day.

Maybe I will run the vacuum cleaner around the bedroom and then call it a day.

ok I still have a sizeable list to work on but at least I did something and there is always tomorrow.

Also, maybe try and get to the bottom of why you are so exhausted. Have you had your blood tested recently? Maybe try some multi vitamins, I found losing a few pounds gave me a bit more energy.

Good luck OP, you are not alone.

SavBlancTonight · 14/01/2024 22:58

Surely she's also exhausted? Can't you just agree as a couple that you are done, and it's time.to.collapse in front of the TV for a bit?!

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