I’ll try to cut a long story short here….
I'm 29, I have twin daughters (9) and I have been seeing someone now for a year. We both have our own homes, and he has a child from a previous relationship.
I recently found out that I’m pregnant even though I take the pill regularly. however, my cycles are all over the place due to eating problems in the past, and I have have gone up to 8 months without a period in the past (which definitely wasn’t pregnancy related).
I also have a cervical polyp, which I found out about a few months ago, so based on these things combined, and being on contraception, I presumed my chances of falling pregnant were low.
After taking a test a couple of weeks ago, and getting a positive result, I was gobsmacked. I told my partner right away and his initial response was to just ‘get rid of it’. I was a little bit taken aback, as even though it’s not an ideal situation, his bluntness just shocked me. I said ok, and I had a consultation last week, and I’m booked in for a scan at the clinic on Tuesday, and then due to proceed with a medical abortion.
However, I’m having doubts. I’m not 100% sure I want to terminate this baby, I already feel protective towards it and I’m just not sure which path to take. I haven’t made my mind up, and I don’t know which way to turn. I feel guilty, ashamed and scared.
Anyway, this weekend I thought I’d tell my partner how I was struggling and what I was feeling, as my children were with their dad.
He proceeded to go ballistic and all hell broke loose. He repeatedly told me that there’s no fucking way we’re bringing a baby into our situation because it’s too soon, he shouted whilst pointing at my stomach ‘if you want to keep it you can but you’ll never see or hear from me again’, as the argument progressed he told me to fuck off (I was at his house) and never come back, and then screamed and’you can get rid of that, I’d be surprised if it was mine anyway’.
I proceeded to try and reason with him, and clam him down. I told him I never said I was definitely going to keep the baby, I just feel conflicted and I just wanted to discuss it with him have he’s the only one I can talk to (no one else knows).
He just kept screaming at me saying that I’d trapped him, that I’m playing mind games with him, that I’m messing with his head, he doesn’t understand what’s changed etc. He said he wants it over with and if I kept it to not come after him for any money or anything because he’d want nothing to do with me or it, he’s got enough going on at the minute with work, problems with his and now this.
At this point I just mumbled ok, and said I wanted to leave. He locked the door, wouldn’t give me the key, continued to argue with me saying I didn’t give a shit what he wants or how this is affecting him. He said it’s alright for you you’d be quite happy to bring the child up on your own because you’re already a single parent. I tried to explain that it’s not just cut and dry for me, there are thoughts, feelings and emotions that I’m feeling and I can’t help it.
I then said I’m going home now I’m leaving, and he proceeded get in my face, saying ‘ go on hit me ‘ I said no and he grabbed my arms, I said to get off and then he proceeded to pick a chefs knife up, point it towards my face and screamed ‘I’ll tell you what I’ll do myself in you little bitch’ and then held it to his neck. I just stared at him in bewilderment, and then he threw it across the room.
He threw the key at me and screamed at me to ‘get out and never come round or speak to him again’.
In a panic, I grabbed the key,
opened the door, slammed it shut and ran to the car. As I was walking down the drive he opened the window and shouted ‘fuck off then you little bitch’.
This was early hours of the morning and I just got in my car and drove home and sobbed. I didn’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone about this. I’m shook.
I recorded the argument on my phone, because I had a feeling it was going to get heated. He can lose his temper very quickly at times. I tried to broach the subject last week and stopped in my tracks because of his reaction.
I just don’t know where to go or what to do from here. I feel so worried. No one in my family knows I’m pregnant.
He text me last night as I drive off saying ‘drive safe, night’ and today he has text saying he’s sorry…. But I’ve never been spoken to like that before… and sorry just isn’t good enough.
Im sorry for the rant, i just needed to get this out.