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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Marriage breakdown, hand hold please.

13 replies

Usion · 14/01/2024 12:19

My husband of 6 years has said he "loves me as a person but isn't IN love with me" and wants to divorce.

He's short tempered, rude and always negative about everything, so I know I will be okay without him.

However, we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old which I'm totally heartbroken for. I'm worried about any trauma it will cause them and I'm really worried where we will live as the house is in husband's name (although I contributed about 12% of the money to buy).

The past four years I have been a stay at home mum and I have been studying in the evenings so that I have a good career to return to. I started a full time job in my chosen field in December. But will this now go against me when trying to get a council home? I have no idea how it all works really, will we even get one? Has anyone been in a similar situation with some advice please?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 14/01/2024 12:30

First things first, get any child benefit and your wage paid into your own account.
Then contact a family solicitor.

Mistlebough · 14/01/2024 12:33

Hopefully you will get the house if you get custody of the DC. What percentage of time will he ask for? One of my friends stayed in large houseuntil youngest was eighteen then it has to be sold. Could that apply to you?

Zanatdy · 14/01/2024 12:35

Council homes aren’t means tested but they aren’t easy to get. You’d no doubt have to spend some time in temporary housing

Original poster
Usion · 14/01/2024 13:19

Think he will look after them 1 night and day a week. Yeah, the house is only quite small so I'm not sure that would work.🙈

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 14/01/2024 13:32

Usion · 14/01/2024 12:19

My husband of 6 years has said he "loves me as a person but isn't IN love with me" and wants to divorce.

He's short tempered, rude and always negative about everything, so I know I will be okay without him.

However, we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old which I'm totally heartbroken for. I'm worried about any trauma it will cause them and I'm really worried where we will live as the house is in husband's name (although I contributed about 12% of the money to buy).

The past four years I have been a stay at home mum and I have been studying in the evenings so that I have a good career to return to. I started a full time job in my chosen field in December. But will this now go against me when trying to get a council home? I have no idea how it all works really, will we even get one? Has anyone been in a similar situation with some advice please?

I've seen all kinds of random nonsense spouted on mumsnet that is blatantly untrue about divorce. The only way to find out your full entitlement is to book an initial consultation with a divorce specialist solicitor who will give you an outline of what you are entitled to which is a lot more than you would expect if you are legally married. Get that booked today and you will be able to plan better.
Why is he only having the children for a couple of days a week? How will you pay nursery fees?
Don't let him bully you into doing anything until this has been thrashed out.
You don't just get a council house you'll have to live in temporary accommodation for years first and even then might end up in a house not for for habitation. So you must get all you can from this divorce. You may have to private rent.

Pumpkinpie1 · 14/01/2024 14:35

Get your financial ducks in a row. - Get your wage, child allowances paid into your Individual bank account.
You will need to have conversations about splitting the bills whilst you live together
Are you claiming your free 30hrs childcare entitlement?
Speak to a solicitor and get advice about the house and your rights. If you can afford the mortgage can you continue to live there ?
What are your husbands intentions , does he plan to move out , what does he intend to do re custody?
Have a look at the benefits checker to see what you can apply for.
Dont be passive.
Getting a council house can take years so you need to look at other options

Cara238 · 14/01/2024 14:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RandomMess · 14/01/2024 14:50

The house is a marital asset doesn't matter your name isn't on the deeds, you need to put a charge against it to register your legal interest in it.

Original poster
Usion · 15/01/2024 07:13

Yes, I will get something booked thanks.

He works full-time which includes the evenings so he can only do his days off. I'm assuming I'll have to pay for childcare which will be a struggle whilst they're still little.

OP posts:
Original poster
Usion · 15/01/2024 07:17

There is no mortgage the house is owned outright but he has no plans to leave "his" house as it was purchased before we were married.

I will use the benefits checker- thanks!

OP posts:
Dotty87 · 15/01/2024 07:55

Usion · 15/01/2024 07:17

There is no mortgage the house is owned outright but he has no plans to leave "his" house as it was purchased before we were married.

I will use the benefits checker- thanks!

You definitely need proper legal advice, as you're married he may not get the choice to just keep the house. As others have said it's a marital asset.

Okaygoahead · 15/01/2024 07:59

You shouldn’t have to pay for childcare on your own, they’re his children too. Make sure that that’s at least a shared cost.

tokesqueen · 15/01/2024 08:19

Usion · 15/01/2024 07:13

Yes, I will get something booked thanks.

He works full-time which includes the evenings so he can only do his days off. I'm assuming I'll have to pay for childcare which will be a struggle whilst they're still little.

This is his current set up as part of a couple. He's choosing to step away from that so will have to re look at his employment and take what he can to facilitate him doing his half of looking after his DC.
Remind him of that very promptly. He may have to start job hunting, not just assume you are going to be landed with the DC 24/7 80% of the time.

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