Please help, I have no one to talk about marriage problem

[Sadandhopeless]

Please help. I've had mental health problems for a long time . In the 16 years we have been together my husband has never read or tried to understand my diagnosis. I now also have physical problems. I've found out my husband does not find me as attractive. He says ive put weight on, also its to do with my physical problems that started last year and i have night sweats. I have put weight on after losing some and ive put on over a stone since i was in a low impact car accident thst wasnt my fault. Which caused the pain i have to get worse. We haven't had sex in over 2 years apart from once. He says he doesn't have the urge. I've said about separating but he says no. He won't move out. I would struggle to get private rent. Don't know if I'm over reacting. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I messaged him saying he has lied to me as ive asked him before if he still finds me attractive and he said he did. He even told me that the lack of sex is to do with him. I don't know if I trust him any more. Back in August day before I was rushed into hospital
He said he was fed up of caring for me, this is to do with my mental and physical health.
This morning he hasn't even spoken to me. I was having questions with my self whether I still love him. My heart feels broken.

I told him on Thursday that my sucidal thoughts had gotten stronger.
Last night I told him i want to not be here.

I said that i tell him when I'm feeling bad and he doesn't do anything. He said what do I expect him to do, you have your mental health team to help you.

Am so sorry you are in this situation. I think it might be useful to speak to your Mh team for support about your marriage as it sounds like it’s making you feel worse. It sounds like a vulnerable position to be in, to rely on someone for care but not feeling cared for. Your husband sounds like he isn’t being very kind or understanding to you. Of course you’d want your partner to find you attractive and it sounds like he certainly isn’t giving you much affection.

This sounds really difficult. As noone knows your husband we can't say why he is acting the way he is. Has he always been like this? If not he may have got overwhelmed with his caring role and exhausted. I'm not saying that to be critical of you but it can be traumatising trying to physically care for someone and keep them safe if they are that ill. On the other hand if he doesn't really support you perhaps you have really grown apart due to each having your own needs. I would try and talk this through with the team supporting you. One option might be supported housing depending on what kind of housing you are currently in. Sorry to hear you're going through this

It sounds like he's checked out. Spend you effort finding a new place to live as this relationship might be worse than having none at all.

I wonder how much you rely on him? I can imagine he feels under great pressure when you tell him you feel suicidal and expect him to make things better.

Could you contact your MH team, ask for more help?

It sounds very difficult - for you both. It's impossible to know why he's acting the way he is. He could have faked out of love with you or he may just be exhausted. I'd think about what your marriage brings to you.

*fallen

There's only misery in being cared for by someone who has grown to resent it. How much do you need to rely on him? Perhaps some home adjustments would help? It is important to maintain your independence as much as you are able to. If you are suicidal he does have a point that your MH team would be better placed to support you than he is.
Could the night sweats be due to menopause, you don't say how old you are?

The last thing you need when you are having MH problems is an unsupportive partner.

I am so sorry you are struggling. Please speak to your MH team, it sounds like you really need some advice and support.
Has your husband always been unsupportive or have things got worse since your accident? He sounds quite disinterested and uncaring but perhaps he's struggling with the pressure of trying to look after you, especially if you have mentioned suicide which can be a frightening thing to hear.
Also as a p p mentioned, if you are of an age to be peri menopausal this could be the reason for your night sweats, if so do see your GP as hrt could help.

He's only human op.

He probably has been supportive to the best of his capabilities and limits.

He is struggling too. Not just you (sorry that you are)

He may have told you the truth about everything. He may have found you attractive previously, and now he doesn't.
Men and women have physical and attraction preferences.. weight gain or loss, illness, etc... can alter a person's attraction to their partners. You wanted an answer, and he told you the truth. Don't ask if you know you feel like you may be hurt and offended by the truth.

Being a caregiver is exhausting, tiresome, time and life consuming. The transition from partner to caregiver is hard on him as well.
Caregivers get burnt out, and often providing care to and assistance to another is challenging and not everyone is cut out for it.

He's only human and he isn't equipped to deal with your mental health. He isn't equipped to manage your mental health. He provided a resonable solution to your suicidal threat and outburst (perhaps you were testing his reaction and response). He has told you to contact your mental health team. He can't "fix" you.

It's probably best if you two ended things.

You really should take the time without a relationship to work on your mental and overall health. If this is something that you feel is unmanageable, it's best that you don't get into any more relationships...as it will negatively impact any relationship.

You come with a lot.

It's best to end things and focus on trying to improve the quality of your life. No one else can do "the work" for you.

Agree with @Burntouted

Also, your attitude and perhaps the way that you treat him is probably hindering your relationship as well. ..perhaps even physical intimacy.

Hi he hasn't always been like this. Up until 2021 when I went back to university again, I had been a stay at home mum been a carer to our two children, who both have additional needs. I used to do most of the house work. I supported myself financially due to disability benefits. Our finance are not shared. I also support our children a lot financially i.e buy all there clothes etc. I've supported him with his job as before covid whilst he does work from home, he used to work away quite a bit, sometimes Mon to Friday. We have no family support at all. If I had been working, it would have been difficult as there would have been no else to look after our children. Childcare wouldn't have been an option as his working away wasn't set days or weeks.