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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just need to rant about DH

36 replies

Ohdojustfuckoff · 14/01/2024 10:27

I just need the space to rant. He's driving me mad, and I really need to compose myself a bit so I can take care of him later on today!

He's as stubborn as a mule, and bloody lazy. Really, really, will not react until the very last minute.

I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant, we have a 20m old, and a teenager, and I take care of his parents, so safe to say, my hands are full.

We've had a hard few months, he's struggled with having regular work since July and I've been out of work due to my health worsening during the pregnancy.

He didn't pay any of our bills in December (conveniently forgets them all! And every month we have a discussion about how I've managed to pay them, usually through CC and overdraft. This was all different when I was in work- I could comfortably support us, but generally I'd claw back some of the money from DH.)

So anyway, December-Jan have been tough.
Light at the end of the tunnel, this job.

Before he started, he had an infected cyst. I said to him, you had that before, you need to contact the GP, get antibiotics, and get a referral for drainage, like last time.

He puts it off for 4 days. He eventually gets an appointment, he is prescribed antibiotics.

The cyst continues to grow, and gets redder, and more hot... infection is increasing despite the antibiotics. Call the GP. They might switch them.
He puts it off, puts it off, I say I'll call then.

They offer him an emergency appt, the HP says, if it was smaller, I'd have tried to aspirate it. You need to go to A&E, I'll contact the surgical team.
He decides he's going home.

3 days later, today, he decides he's going to A&E, hallelujah! They say they'll have to put him out, to get the infected cyst sorted, and he will need to go to and from the GP to get the wound packing changed.

Well, now he can't drive himself to work tomorrow, or the next day. He says, if I'm not at work tomorrow, I'll get sacked.
He will. There are important deliveries he cannot miss. I say, well I can do the work (we had the same job pre me being off on maternity. I'll provide cover for you)

No, no, no he says. You should drive me to and from work for the days I can't drive (it'll be 2 he thinks) I'm uncomfortable with it, and frankly, pissed off. The proposed journey to his workplace is just shy of an hour in clear traffic, with 20m DS in tow.

I've just been diagnosed with ICP, I'm not sleeping well because I'm so flipping hot and itchy, my back is in bad shape, and this baby is growth restricted, so the care that I'm receiving can change at any moment. If this pregnancy is anything like the one I had with DS within the next week or two I might end up back to and from the hospital daily for checks and regular scans. This is potentially the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I want to prepare for the baby, instead I've got all this stress to deal with and I feel like DH has instead of supporting me added to it.

If I hadn't at this point spent 2 weeks trying to get him to sort this out, I wouldn't be annoyed, but he's just left it, like everything else, and now Ive got absolute chaos to deal with.

OP posts:
ArnieLinson · 15/01/2024 06:59

Do you think his mental health has taken a nosedive due to not having work and he just has fallen apart ? You said he wasnt like that in june.

Copperoliverbear · 15/01/2024 06:59

New year, new baby, new start.
Start putting your foot down a bit more make him grow up and step up to the plate.

Ohdojustfuckoff · 15/01/2024 07:13

ArnieLinson · 15/01/2024 06:59

Do you think his mental health has taken a nosedive due to not having work and he just has fallen apart ? You said he wasnt like that in june.

It is possible. In fact, its entirely plausible. I have mentioned I wasn't sure if he might be depressed because people don't just choose to sink, when they can swim.

This wasn't him before, but also, he wouldn't dream of going to a Dr about it.
He has admitted that he feels like a piece of shit and he knows things need to be better, but then he just buries his head again at the next situation.

OP posts:
Sweden99 · 15/01/2024 08:15

Is this job a good job? Or just the light of the tunnel as it is some income and he thought it would mean financial stability?
It does look like extreme short termism, which is associated with being very stressed or depressed.

Cincin22 · 27/07/2024 10:25

Oh my word! You have a genuine real life man-child in your hands. Your life would be so so much easier without him. I promise.

AssassinsEyebrow · 27/07/2024 10:33

He needs a wake-up call. Quickly.

Tempted to say you give him an ultimatum: start taking responsibility for himself & basic responsibility at home or he's out - send him to live with his parents.

For the health & safety of you and your unborn child.

Ohdojustfuckoff · 29/07/2024 08:42

Oh wow, I forgot this thread even existed.
I left him in April.

He continued with the same fuckery I put in the OP. He refused to help with anything.
Sat silently as I cried that I wouldn't be able to forgive him if he carried on how he was.

He slept through my labour with my son and returned to work the day after I got out of hospital.

He's driving around in his dad's old car, sleeping between his parents house and his places of work.

He's properly hit rock bottom, but without him, I'm kind of flourishing.

It's exhausting! But less than it was.

I'm slowly managing the things I couldn't manage when he was around.

I am so angry at all the years I wasted stressing like I have because of his presence in my life.

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 29/07/2024 08:50

Amazing, well done

Continue to thrive and never have him back

chocobaby · 29/07/2024 08:59

Ohdojustfuckoff · 14/01/2024 10:27

I just need the space to rant. He's driving me mad, and I really need to compose myself a bit so I can take care of him later on today!

He's as stubborn as a mule, and bloody lazy. Really, really, will not react until the very last minute.

I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant, we have a 20m old, and a teenager, and I take care of his parents, so safe to say, my hands are full.

We've had a hard few months, he's struggled with having regular work since July and I've been out of work due to my health worsening during the pregnancy.

He didn't pay any of our bills in December (conveniently forgets them all! And every month we have a discussion about how I've managed to pay them, usually through CC and overdraft. This was all different when I was in work- I could comfortably support us, but generally I'd claw back some of the money from DH.)

So anyway, December-Jan have been tough.
Light at the end of the tunnel, this job.

Before he started, he had an infected cyst. I said to him, you had that before, you need to contact the GP, get antibiotics, and get a referral for drainage, like last time.

He puts it off for 4 days. He eventually gets an appointment, he is prescribed antibiotics.

The cyst continues to grow, and gets redder, and more hot... infection is increasing despite the antibiotics. Call the GP. They might switch them.
He puts it off, puts it off, I say I'll call then.

They offer him an emergency appt, the HP says, if it was smaller, I'd have tried to aspirate it. You need to go to A&E, I'll contact the surgical team.
He decides he's going home.

3 days later, today, he decides he's going to A&E, hallelujah! They say they'll have to put him out, to get the infected cyst sorted, and he will need to go to and from the GP to get the wound packing changed.

Well, now he can't drive himself to work tomorrow, or the next day. He says, if I'm not at work tomorrow, I'll get sacked.
He will. There are important deliveries he cannot miss. I say, well I can do the work (we had the same job pre me being off on maternity. I'll provide cover for you)

No, no, no he says. You should drive me to and from work for the days I can't drive (it'll be 2 he thinks) I'm uncomfortable with it, and frankly, pissed off. The proposed journey to his workplace is just shy of an hour in clear traffic, with 20m DS in tow.

I've just been diagnosed with ICP, I'm not sleeping well because I'm so flipping hot and itchy, my back is in bad shape, and this baby is growth restricted, so the care that I'm receiving can change at any moment. If this pregnancy is anything like the one I had with DS within the next week or two I might end up back to and from the hospital daily for checks and regular scans. This is potentially the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I want to prepare for the baby, instead I've got all this stress to deal with and I feel like DH has instead of supporting me added to it.

If I hadn't at this point spent 2 weeks trying to get him to sort this out, I wouldn't be annoyed, but he's just left it, like everything else, and now Ive got absolute chaos to deal with.

Have you left this ‘relationship’? This is not a partner/husband. That man is just one of your kids who will get worse overtime. Stop mothering him!

MangoMadness999 · 29/07/2024 09:06

Ohdojustfuckoff · 29/07/2024 08:42

Oh wow, I forgot this thread even existed.
I left him in April.

He continued with the same fuckery I put in the OP. He refused to help with anything.
Sat silently as I cried that I wouldn't be able to forgive him if he carried on how he was.

He slept through my labour with my son and returned to work the day after I got out of hospital.

He's driving around in his dad's old car, sleeping between his parents house and his places of work.

He's properly hit rock bottom, but without him, I'm kind of flourishing.

It's exhausting! But less than it was.

I'm slowly managing the things I couldn't manage when he was around.

I am so angry at all the years I wasted stressing like I have because of his presence in my life.

Well done, you're well rid

ArnieLinson · 31/07/2024 05:50

Well done. Onwards and upwards.

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