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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I feel bad about this?

4 replies

WhatanEmbarrasment · 13/01/2024 23:19

Me and my ex split up years ago. Since then he has barely bothered with our children. He hardly sees them and goes for up to a year or more without any contact, any time he comes back into contact asking to see them he seems far more interested in me than in the children and has several times tried to get back with me. When I show no interest he stops bothering with them. He will only see them if it’s at my house and has never taken them to his house or anywhere. He came back into contact after not seeing them for over a year. He saw them for a bit but again this was in my house only. He then began texting me randomly in the middle of the night one night he text me “hey darling” but I ignored it assuming he was drunk (he has never called me that) in the summer he asked to borrow some money and I refused. A few months later he text me in the middle of the night saying he loved me. I asked him why he text me that and he said because he does and on about how he could come here to stay more with the children to “help” 🙄

anyway in that time the kids expressed to me they weren’t interested in seeing him anymore because he would constantly make plans to come down to see them then not show up. Make promises to take them to the cinema then cancel on them the day he was meant to come or tell my son he would come down to play a video game with him then not show up, Both my sons stopped responding to his messages because of this as they said no point talking to him if he doesn’t want to see them/ makes plans to come down then doesn’t show up. Anyway I blocked him on my phone. Haven’t heard from him since and he didn’t send anything to the kids for Xmas or any acknowledgment at all. So why am I feeling bad for blocking him? Was it a bit harsh? The kids are old enough to have their own contact with him as they are preteens and they told me they don’t want him to come down anymore as when he did use to come down he would just fall asleep so they asked me not to let him come down anymore. So why am I feeling bad about blocking him and doubting myself? It must have taken a lot for him to tell me he loves me? But then to go on to ignore the kids at Xmas? As I said he just seems like he is only interested in me

OP posts:
whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 13/01/2024 23:20

Don't feel bad. He's a dick

MumDaisy1980 · 14/01/2024 00:46

Did he say why need some money?!

from the post, I feel like he purposely to charm you back and hope to get money from you. Glad your actions have been strong!

It’s awful to have made promise to children and break them.

WhatanEmbarrasment · 14/01/2024 00:55

I doubt it as I’m poor 😂 he asked to borrow it and said he would pay it back, he said he had not been paid on the day he was meant to be and asked to borrow £40 I said no and he said it was fine he had been paid in the end (turned out that was apparently a lie and he hadn’t been paid 🤔)

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 14/01/2024 13:10

Not a criticism of ypu, OP. But it really pisses le off that so many women feel the 'bad' or 'guilty' when men behave like dicks.

He lied to you to try and get money from you, doesn't bother with his children, texts in the middle of the might to tell you he loves you and YOU feel bad?

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