Man makes me feel anxious/off balance - what is that?

[nc354]

Just curious what others think. I've been seeing a guy for a few months who has always given me a slightly off centre, anxious feeling (well it started off slight and has gotten much worse to the point where sometimes he texts me and i get a pounding heart/fight or flight response). It feels like its because he is very emotional/intense and in that way feels unreliable or makes me nervous; he will get very upset if i dont respond to communications quickly for example, and he has asked for space/even broken up with me once (then quickly backtracked every time.) He has also tried to push the r'ship at his own speed, regardless of my misgivings or wants. The biggest thing he has repeatedly pushed of me is for me to leave my city which I love and move 100s miles away with my child, so we can be together more/move in or get engaged. (I know....) But he can also be very loving and has shown a lot of actions matching words. But even before i knew him well, he made me feel anxious which i guess i mistook for 'butterflies'. Off centre is a better word.

What makes some people give off these vibes? Even my EA, depressive ex didnt make me feel this way. I feel like ive stayed in this relationship because i assumed it was passion/love/feelings. Now im wondering if its just my gut trying to keep me safe from a narc/dangerous person. Btw i am planning on ending it this weekend.

a few months who has always given me a slightly off centre, anxious feeling
WARNING!!!!
pounding heart/fight or flight response
WARNING!!!!
very emotional/intense and in that way feels unreliable or makes me nervous
WARNING!!!!
get very upset if i dont respond to communications quickly
WARNING!!!!
even broken up with me once
WARNING!!!!
regardless of my misgivings or wants
WARNING!!!!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Now im wondering if its just my gut trying to keep me safe from a narc/dangerous person. Btw i am planning on ending it this weekend.

THIS is the best part of your post. You know what to do. Well done for seeing it. Please don't allow this person to hurt you any more.

I think you are right to end it, it's your gut telling you something.
I dated one like this, I think he was a narc.

@nc354 How do you plan to end it? I'm hoping you won't see him in person; I predict he'll try to persuade you to give it a bit longer/that you've got it all wrong. Personally I would just block him everywhere right now and never look back, but I know that's hard for nice/"normal" people. Have you got a plan?

Listen to to your gut it’s talking to you

When something feels off, it always is

I had this feeling about someone once. I phoned him from a crowded place away from my home (because he had gained access to my home previously) to break it off.
Don't feel compelled to do it face-to-face in these circs and always have someone you know on hand either physically in the same building or who is able to check in with you regularly.

Run away. Very very fast.

actually....block.

then exhale....and relax ...😌

Huge amount of red flags there.

I hope you are ok and ending things hasn’t escalated any of his emotionally abusive behaviours.

Keep us updated and most importantly stay safe and away from him.

Don't wait to end it.
Do it now. By text.

Make it absolutely clear that further contact from him will be considered harassment and you'll contact the police if necessary.

Don't block, though you could absolutely.
Screen shot everything instead.
If he turns up anywhere near you, call the police.

I may sound OTT, but I'm deadly serious.
He may not escalate, but don't be surprised if he does. I'd recommend not being home for a few days if possible.

On future, first hint of these emotions, flee for the sea.

It's not that 'some people give off these vibes', it's that we have biological methods to keep away things that are bad for us, and we don't always know why they're activated. The short answer is that it doesn't matter why he gives you these vibes, just listen to and respect the vibes. The only reason to do anything else but that (which is the definition of respecting yourself) is if you feel like that around lots of people. That would mean that it might be worth considering that this is a problem you have, rather than that he is a problem you have.

What you're saying is a bit like saying 'Why do strawberry yoghurts give off horrible vibes?', when the reason you feel that way is because someone who used to beat you up ate them all the time, so you've formed a link yourself, personally. It's not the yoghurt, it's a connection you have with the yoghurt. But you're still best off to just stay away from them, right?

He is not respecting you or your wishes, and you feel uncomfortable. The question really is 'Why are you questioning this?' Everything you're doing is right; you spot disrespect, you feel uncomfortable, you're leaving. Working out more about him is unnecessary.

Do you have an anxious attachment style?

Glad you’re ending it.

I’ve sometimes noticed that uncentred feeling around people I’ve later (privately) identified as having ASPD (anti-social personality disorder aka sociopathy). May or may not be applicable to your delightful weirdo.

There's another woman I met a year ago through doing a course together. We went for one drink and I got that feeling. I sense she is chaotic, needy and volatile. She is charismatic and chatty and everything but I absolutely panic when she's present. So I blocked her.

When you end the relationship be prepared for him to oscillate from being really kind, to really angry , to blaming you for everything, to really needy etc...
He will try every approach in the book in the hope that one works.

I think the anxious feeling is your body trying to warn you of danger

There could be something about him that reminds you of someone from your past, something that feels familiar but this isn't always a good thing, which could be where the butterflies come from. I've had that feeling around certain people & have come to realise through experience it's best to stay away from anyone who makes me feel like that