I like this guy. A fair bit, which is usual for me. He’s not my type. We ended up on 4 projects together and ended up on 3 conferences together last year. We’ve worked in a similar capacity for 4 years but just never really got close. There was just never a need because I had a partner. Anyway, I think my relationship was starting to nose dive a little and I started to spend a bit longer with him and worked a little later and fabricated some truths, didn’t tell him I had a partner, because I didn’t think it had needed to come up in conversation. (But I think it was subconsciously because I didn’t want him to stop flirting with me)
Fast forward 5 months, me and my ex split up. So I started talking to this guy at work a little more. And more. And more. Neither of us had asked each other out. But a few weeks ago we went for a drink and meal at the pub. I then had a chat with my colleague (who’s manager has had some issues with the male colleague I like) he told me that there was some issues with this male in the past and he’s had drinking problems or he told me a story about when this guy was 30 he dated 20 year old(I don’t really care personally) and some other things were divulged about his general wellbeing and inability to cope under pressure and how work did a wellbeing check on him at home the once and things were a mess.
Now. Personally, I don’t really know what to think because I’m torn between what other people are telling me and what I can see. I know that his MH isn’t great. But I’m just so confused. I’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past too, and sometimes he does things like say “you’re really harsh on me” “can you be more gentle/when do I get to know the more gentle side of you” etc which then makes me feel like I’m crazy. And I just go into overwhelm.
This is a sort of rant/ what do I do situation? Do I dead this in its tracks because of what others have told me or do I continue?