This might be a strange post as I’m an adult and should know how to have a relationship and know what I want and don’t want, but I’m struggling to work out what’s missing and what I need.
LTR with baby and I’m feeling a bit lost.
In the start we had sex often and I enjoyed it, he made me feel sexy and wanted (most of the time) We went on amazing dates and had great times together. Roll on to normal life after the honeymoon period ended (3 months in, sadly) and sex dropped because he didn’t want it much. I have a high sex drive and would do it daily whereas he’s happy with once a week/fortnight.
I told him communication needs to improve in general as we’d lost our way and we’re like friends. We worked hard and got in a better place, moved in together and had a baby.
Now I’m just feeling like a spare part in his life. Communication has dropped again, we rarely have sex and when we do there’s no foreplay etc it’s boring missionary every time and he stops once he’s cum even if I haven’t, I don’t feel desired, I feel fat from baby weight and deep down I feel like he’s not into me anymore because of this. He denies it but most men would wouldn’t they.
I feel like there is so much missing that a healthy relationship should have that I broke down crying that I miss the old us. He promised to work on it but nothing has changed. We’re obviously busy with the baby but they sleep well and are no trouble, we have opportunities to talk/ date / have sex he just doesn’t take those chances. I’m fed up being the one to initiate everything and take charge and make effort to get nothing back.
I told him I want to split up and co parent amicably because I want to be with someone who desires me, someone I can connect with emotionally and physically, someone romantic, someone who still dates me and makes time for us, I just don’t feel like he’s that anymore and we’re no longer compatible or it would come naturally.
He begged me to give him another chance and that he’s neglected us while focusing on the baby but it will change and we can be us again.
So now I feel I need to give him an ultimatum over what I actually want from him and us and that if he can’t do it then we’re over for good. I hate that it’s got to this point and that I feel like a teenager when we’re adults with a baby.
Am I asking too much to want to feel loved and special? How do I word this without making demands? I want it to come naturally or it will feel awkward giving him a step by step instruction book of my requests.
I read a great thread on here last week but I forgot which one it was, a poster replied to it with something that really made me wake up and realise what I deserve, now I can’t for the life of me remember what they said but in the moment it gave me the boost I needed.
I’m hoping someone here knows what I’m going through and can advise how I can fix this mess one last time.