Friend upset and ended it

[Lisbon2012]

We’ve been friends for years and I’m really upset by it. However I’m not sure if I she is being unreasonable or was it me?
it all started with the lead up to NY eve, she wanted to go out and I told her I most likely won’t be able to as I will have the kids at home with me.

As it turns out the kids ended up staying at their grandparents but by then it was already afternoon and I did say I’d rather not go out to central London as one I can’t afford it and also will be working the next day so can’t really stay out long.
She messaged me around 8:30pm to say if I’m coming out and I said I’ll stay home.
Just before 10pm a neighbour that lives down the road from me messaged me asking what I was doing and if I wanted to pop round for some champagne. So I did, had a few glasses of champagne and was in bed by 1am.
Now my friend found this out and was furious for not choosing her to spend NY eve with her, she was very angry that I didn’t ask her to come over to my house and see the NY together. Bearing in mind she was at work till 9:30pm and I live about 1.5 hrs away from her work it didn’t even occur to me she’d want to come over and stay the night, especially as I had to get up to go to work the next day.
I tried to explain that it wasn’t planned and was just a spur of the moment kind of thing and I didn’t mean to upset her but she isn’t having none of it.
I feel really sad by it all as I didn’t mean to cause her so much upset but was what I did really that bad? Am I a complete asshole here?

She's being ridiculous, she could have asked if she could come round and spend it with you if that's what she wanted. Going to the neighbours last minute foe a couple of drinks is hardly going out

You shouldn't have apologised as you've done nothing wrong.

You didn't want to go into central London. You didn't want an all-nighter as at work the next day. You told your friend as much.

Your neighbour's spur of the moment didn't involve spending money or an all-nighter, both of which you wanted to avoid.

Your friend doesn't own your time. She doesn't have sole rights to you as a friend. You were honest with her. You didn't make arrangements then cancel them, or lie to her.

She sounds quite immature - you know when you're a teenager and you have a friend who thinks you should always put them before everyone else. I haven't had anyone treat me like that since I was about 17, and I wouldn't put up with it as an adult.

Anyway, you did apologise, rightly or wrongly. So the ball is in her court. But I would seriously rethink if that's how you want to be treated. I suspect this isn't the only time your friend has treated you this way.

Nonsense. Trekking to London v stepping down the road to the neighbours are not even remotely comparable.

Your friend needs to grow up. She is making a massive deal out of this and it's weird!

You say she ‘found out’. Was it via a social media post? I can see how she would be hurt by that.

I told her

She's upset because she thinks you lied and planned the champagne with your neighbour all along; whilst she spent NYE alone.

Maybe send her a link to this thread so she can see that you are a concerned friend and it was just an unfortunate sequence of events.

As an adult you are perfectly entitled to make your own decisions about your plans for NYE. You know why you made them and don't need to justify them as if you have been a naughty child.

Maybe something is going on with your friend to make her not accept your reasons, but that is her issue not yours.

It’s a shame a friendship got down because of such a small issue.

In her perspective, she only heard your reasons not going out and then ended up you had company for the evening. She upset potentially mixed of not 100% trust what you said and envy you had a good time whereas she was alone.

if you did what a good friend should have done, there is nothing else you can do. treat her as someone crossed path in your life.

Sounds like a possessive partner. Who does that? What does it matter when neighbour asked? You didn't wanna go london and had work next day to be strolling in at 4/5 am... she's BVU

I agree. You came across as flakey.

I was upset when I arranged a night with a friend which was a sort of drop in to different events night. After the first one she suggested going to a second and I agreed. But then she decided to wait to see what her other friend was going to do. So we went to the venue where friend was. She was inside watching the gig we were outside it was half way through. I said ok let's go to the others one for a bit then and come back but she kept waiting for updates and said she's just wait for her other friend to come out the gig.
This seemed to me so pointless I just completely felt she was prioritising her other friend and I was just sitting there watching her message.
After a while I left and I haven't arranged anything with her again. I just felt so unprioritised. It was five months ago.

That was pretty chappy on your "friend" you could have gone to setting else and met up with other friend after.

*crappy

On my friend or of my friend? 😊

Sounds like she’s hurt that you ended up doing something in the end (however ‘basic’) and she didn’t have anyone to do anything with. I understand why this has caused upset, the only alternative would have been for you to invite her over to yours. NYE is a big deal for lots of people, expectations are high, it’s meant to be this amazing night and it rarely lives up to the hype.

Some people just seem to want to stay mad or use it as an excuse to sever ties with you despite apologies.

She sounds hard work op!