Post divorce insecurities in dating / life

[tink1983]

Hi
For context..
I'm newly back dating since splitting from my ex.
I have my boys half the week, Wednesday to Sunday morning.

I've been seeing someone new for 5 months. It's all going really well, but I'm keen to keep things separate till I feel totally secure and like we have something real.

This person is amazing, younger than me and no children, so again that has made me want to go slower. I am looking for advice on how to navigate this, I don't want to put pressure on myself or this new person.

I think I have alot of insecurity from my past relationships & someone a bit younger with an active social life is playing into those insecure feelings.
I've been doing counselling to work through my issues since my split and I do suffer with anxiety.

My new partner, checks in when out, always let's me know they are home safe, makes time for me, makes future plans with me.

I can see myself feeling insecure about their social life and how active their life is when I'm with my boys.
I see the positives of it. But I also identify concerning feelings in myself that I want to handle and try to overcome.

I don't want to controlled or control anyone. Been there.

I think maybe my feelings are heightened as this is all new territory, I've not dated for over a decade.

I think my question or plea here is for some guidance on how to cope with all these new feelings, whilst remembering my children always come first. I feel overwhelmed at times and wonder if I'm not ready.
But then know I can go slow & there is no rush. We can spend time when I'm not with my boys and have some fun without any pressure.
I suppose writing that I don't know how to do that! I don't know how to just be and just have fun?!

Sorry this is just ramblings.
I have no friends to talk to at the moment as they all know my ex, so I'm feeling isolated 😶

Tell us more about your insecurities…

Are you worried that she’s going to meet someone else while out?
Are you worried that she’s liked going out so family life won’t suit her ?
You don’t say how much younger she is but any chance you were single and child-free and had a social life when you were her age ?
Did your ex wife or another gf cheat on you when they went out ?
Are you someone who isn’t massively interested in going out so feel that you might not be compatible ?
Is your gf child free by choice or child free because she’s young so it’s not been on her mind?

Thank you so much for replying!
All of the above tbh!
She's 8yrs younger, doesn't want kids of her own. My boys where toddlers at her age, but we've had very different education/job backgrounds.

I've broached the topic and asked if my having children puts her off and she said no. But as it's early doors I've not pursued that conversation further.

I'm not a big drinker/pub goer, but will occasionally, but when we spend time together we go for dinner, movies, walks and trips. So it's good she can do the things she loves whilst I'm with my boys.

Again I think I'm worrying about the future when I don't need too.
We get on so well, she's the first person in a long time who I feel is taking time to really know and understand me. My Ex made me feel belittled and taken for granted and really I feel scared about letting someone new in I think.

Thanks again for replying 🙂

Go slow and don’t overthink. My ex left 4 years ago, I’m now 2.5 years into a lovely new relationship and I’ve had those moments and wobbles myself! My dc always came first, always will and boyfriend knows this. I introduced bf into their lives from about 6 months in. It all happened very naturally in the end despite my concerns about how to do things the right way for my dc.

I think I became very aware at one point that my insecurities and the knock I received from exH leaving me could result in self sabotage and potentially affect my new relationship if I wasn’t careful. But boyfriend understood and continually showed me that he’s a good man. It takes time and it’s something that you have to go through. Things will smooth over in time. All the best.