helping my birthmother....

[oops]

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have no idea how to help im afraid but bumping for you in case someone else can

sorry its tough on you hope it all clears up soon but dont be guilty for someone elses actions xx

Hi oops

I have been in a similar situation to this. I'm not adopted but it all centres around my husbands grandmother, my children and MIL. Very long story. But i can say this. I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself, you have small children and don't live that close. That in it's self makes it hard enough. You can't do all the things that your sister can do for her. I would say that the best thing you can do is phone your sister often and help out with the little things that you can, even if it's just listening to her vent about it all. Make your sister your focus, not your BM. You might find that there are things you can do for her while she is occupied with your BM. I hope this helps. Best of luck.

I think you have to decide how much time/help you can give your BM and stick with it. Perhaps you can help your bio sister by being emotional supportive/a good ear. Your BM is not your "Mum" to you and I'm sure your bio sister understands that.

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ooops - I am also adopted and my bparents married after I was adopted and I have absis and bbro. Oddly enough, my bmom is also partially deaf (and my adoptive parents ahve both died).

My bmom is, er, a bit bonkeers, frankly. I have built up a reasonably solid relationship with my bsis but we have an understansing that we don't discuss our parents - the relationship is just about us and our lives. I found this hard for a while (who else could I talk to that knew our parents?) but really it makes sense.

IMO, You have no obligation to your bmom other than what arises from the relationshiopyou have had as adults plus whatever benefit you feel arises from her wanting contact with you as an adult. It is possible to seperate the two relationships - your bmom and bsis. But also - the realtionship between your bsis and bmom is their business - you do not need to be involved.

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