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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think he might be cheating

20 replies

Anna1975 · 18/03/2008 14:19

DP has been really protective over the PC lately, not letting me on it unless he's in the room with me and the kids are no longer allowed on it.

The other day I went on innocently to check my bank and he came diving upstairs and asked what I'd been doing. I told him I'd just had the internet on so he got all flustered and asked if I'd played any games I told him I hadnt.

Anyway later that day DS went upstairs, went into our bedroom and DP went mad and shouted at him to get out and to knock first etc so DS came down in a mood. I said to DS "what was he doing anyway?" and so DS said "just playing on that stupid game" so I said "what game?" and he said "the sims2"

So when DH went to work I loaded up the sims and he'd added a custom neighbourhood named after the company he works for. I went into it, checked out all the families and then saw that he'd made our family so I went into that house.

Basically everything was pretty spot on, the layout of the house, the furniture, their jobs, the kids, he's really put alot of work into it but I was a bit pissed off to see that he'd made me fat. I laughed it off and told myself I was being daft.

Anyway I carried on playing it for a bit and it turned out that his character was having an affair with a woman from work, the fat wife (i.e. me) was completely unaware and in the bio he'd wrote all about this woman as if she was real.

I KNOW its only a game before anyone says it but doesn't anyone else find this odd?? Everything else is so realistic I'm staring to wonder just how much, if any is made up.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 18/03/2008 14:21

Are there any other signs - phone hiding, unexplained/weird absences?

I think you are going to have to tell him that you went on sims and why is he having an affair on there? It may just be a fantasy of his; which you can talk about and help sort out together.

bananaknickers · 18/03/2008 14:22

I think if he was having an affair he wouldn't be putting his efforts into a game. I think he may fantasing about having one though

scorpio1 · 18/03/2008 14:23

also men are very visual and if he is fantasing he is playing it out on there, iyswim and not in RL?

Hopeysgirlwasntbig · 18/03/2008 14:23

It sounds a bit like a fantasy to me too. How would he react if you confronted him?

PotPourri · 18/03/2008 14:24

I think you need to talk to him. Might be nothing and it might be something. But you won't know unless you ask him - and watch his reaction carefully.

Also, consider what you would do if he says that yes, he is having an affair. What do you want? (other than it not to be true of course!)

BearMama · 18/03/2008 14:25

Sounds like either he is cheating or wants to. I would definitely find it odd, not to mention hurtful that he'd altered my appearance (is that supposed to be some kind of justification?!)

Sorry to say but looks like something is up, whether anything has happened in RL or not he is allowing it to affect his life with you and DS, and that's not on.

lilyloo · 18/03/2008 14:29

I think you need to tell him what you have found and let him explain.
I would want to talk it through as it is obviously impacting on dailylife for you all.

stirlingmum · 18/03/2008 14:30

Can you check his phone for unusual texts etc...
Sounds suspicious to me but then I am very cynical.

dragonbutter · 18/03/2008 14:33

imo, just ignore it. it's not something he wanted you to see and he's probably just going to be embarrassed. i think it's childish but i don't think it's dangerous that everytime you piss him off you might get a bit fatter on sims. it's just a game.

wurlywoo · 18/03/2008 14:39

Hi only just seen this.. I have to agree with majority think he is acting out fantasies.. I know that it doesnt make it any easier to understand but men do that, doesnt make it right though.

I think the reason for his flustering was because he knows its a bit weird to do this and hence doesnt want you to know. Put the shoe on the other foot would you want him to know at the risk of looking odd????

Think you need to be honest, take a deep breath and do it, tell him. Something similar happened to me although Sims wasnt involved it was an actual woman, turned out he did fancy her and was just fantasising well that was the conclusion I drew.

wannaBe · 18/03/2008 18:30

I would go and play the game and make you lose weight, kill off the mistress and make you having an affair with a fit personal trainer.

but don't tell him.

postingatlast · 18/03/2008 18:32

@ Wannabe!!!

collision · 18/03/2008 18:36

How would he have the time to have a FT job, a fantasy game with a fat wife and a gorgeous GF and have a real affair as well?

I have never heard of sims (but it sounds cooool! ) and I think it would embarrass him to know that he is playing a silly game.

Have you checked his phone?

TheWiltedRose · 18/03/2008 18:37

Im going on my sims now to check if dp has gone on my game and made me fat!

i might have an affair with the gardener while im there!

TheWiltedRose · 18/03/2008 18:38

At least on my sims i can afford a cleaner, a nanny and the kids dont piss on the floor without wiping it up themselves!

LoveMyGirls · 18/03/2008 18:43

I would play the game too without speaking to him and wait for him to ask me about it.

Just so you know as well he may not have made you fat on sims, he could have just been letting you eat burgers etc then sims will get fat unless they work it off so he might just have nopt been making you work out etc.

LoveMyGirls · 18/03/2008 18:47

Also I make my family on sims then as the game progesses and I get bored I sometimes make both or either have affairs just because I can but it doesn't mean I want an affair or for my dp to be fat etc

morningpaper · 18/03/2008 19:11

lolol @ wannabee

Yes play the game too

Get a tasty new gardener in

And a shed with a lock

Take up running

And give the gardener a lot of head

Seriously though, I agree with the poster who said that this is a fantasy - he wouldn't create it on SIMS if he was really putting energy into a real affair - what would be the point? Unless he was some sort of Horror writer...

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/03/2008 09:37

Anna1975, how's it going? have you asked him about it?

SheWillBeLoved · 19/03/2008 12:30

Have to agree with the majority, sounds like a fantasy. I don't think he'd ever cheat, I can't see him having the time and energy to be living out this 'fantasy' and playing it on a game aswell. The changing your appearance thing could be some sort of justification for him having the affair. He's probably so secretive because well, I don't know many grown men with families who play the Sims lol. But do have a chat with him, fantasy or not - it's abit of a weird situation, especially if it's affecting his behaviour toward you and DS.

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