Porn and chat, so unhappy

[Honeybeebeez]

It’s a long complicated story! My partner of 3 yes who I left my husband for has stuff on his phone. Lots of porn. Sex chats. He’s also been checking my 22yr old daughters socials in which she’s not wearing a lot. I have 2 kids and miscarried with him 7 times now. He’s not very emotionally available. My confidence is at the lowest ever I’ve put on a stone since miscarriages and can’t get myself in a good place. I hate myself and I’m so low. I’m obviously not enough for him, he left his wife for me but obviously wants better. I’ve just got my first job after 20yrs as a stay at home mum but financially not independent. We have a house together which he pushed for.
im quite destructive in nature and drinking a lot my bulimia has come back and I want to hurt myself. I can’t deal with all the hurt I’m feeling but have to carry on for my kids. There’s no one I can share with this And I’m so sad and lonely

@Honeybeebeez you sound desperate, I'm sorry life is so bad at the moment. Have you got friends you can talk to? Can you access a therapist?
Can't advise about bulimia but please try to be kind to yourself and know that things will get better

He is using your DAUGHTER as wank fodder.

I’m not trying to kick you when you are down, but you need to get rid of this man.

Run don’t walk. The second he perved over your daughter he’d be gone.

You’ve learned the hard way that the grass isn’t always greener.

My honest advice would be stay single and get yourself together before even thinking about a man.

I'm going to err on the side of 'optimistic', to balance out the other posts.

Could it be independent of 'you'? Some guys just watch porn for their own happy time, regardless of their feelings for their partner. Just because he watches it doesn't mean he has any issues at all with the relationship.

As for your daughter, does she have 'normal' pictures? Some people are very Instagramy, wanting attention etc and do only post the filtered, sexy pictures. Does she do it professionally? Could it just have been a nosy look at her profile, which just happens to have a lot of those sorts of pictures?

Don't get me wrong, he could be a creep... I'm just asking the possible alternative view questions.

This. I rarely get shocked at things on here these days but this got me.

Please get rid OP. Wishing you all the best.

I'm so sorry you've had so may losses. It sounds like you are in danger of being co-dependent on him, because you're so vulnerable.

What stands out to me from your post is that you almost gloss over the fact that he's been looking at your daughter's socials, within the context of what else you've written. I agree with the previous poster in that he's been perving on her at the very least. I feel sorry for her and I wonder what she's seen or experienced being around him, that she might not have told you about given your vulnerable state.

You really need to see your GP and ask for therapy or counselling.

In terms of physical health, a stone really isn't that much in terms of general weight, but it can make a big difference to fitting into clothes. Focus on getting to a healthy weight with gentle exercises. Try walking more.

Forget about your partner and focus on your children and a strong & healthier you.

You made a wrong choice by having an affair with him now make the right choice by getting rid of him and living on your own until you are mature enough for a relationship.

it's not OK for this man to take an unhealthy interest in her daughters SM profiles because she might post images of herself looking attractive, professionally done or not.

So he cheated on his wife with you and now he's probably looking to cheat on you, not very surprising. He's also probably perving on your daughter which is disgusting. Sorry op but you need to leave.

Can you please, please, stop trying to have a child with this man until at least you've sorted out your own mental health and figured out whether you actually want to stay in a relationship with him?

I'm sorry you left your marriage for someone who turned out not to be the right man. That must be hard.
But don't get tied down to him. Pick yourself up, get some help for your mental health, and rebuild your life on your own, with your children. Your daughter may be 22, but that doesn't make her safe from potential abuse from this man who is obviously not ashamed to be horndogging over her.

Get on reddit love after porn forum lots of resources for you there and support. Start having some individual counselling. You need to build up resources to be financially independent from him. Start investing in your own support network.Moving towards a plan to get away from him. Would he be up for reasonable conversation about these issues and counselling? I'm going to guess not. But you can still put in place boundaries.

Can your daughter block him or make her socials more private? I mean the onus shouldn't be on her it should be on men not to be perving but unfortunately the world is currently where lots of men and boys are masturbating over innocent people who have not given their consent for that. It would of certainly make me rethink sharing photos on social media when younger.