Different in the Flesh

[Slithery]

Name Changer

I have been talking to a bloke I met on line for months. We met through a dating site and we got on great, spoke on the phone, spoke nightly on msn, had long conversations about everything from travelling to politics...

Then we arranged to meet up and I took an instant dislike to him . He was loud (nervous I think) and OTT. We drove seperately to a restraunt and when I saw him across the car park even the way he walked annoyed me.

We were in the restraunt and he joked that he hoped the accepted credit card of we'd be washing up, I laughed along but he was serious, he had no money in his bank so couldn't use the debit card and if they hadn't have accepted the credit card we wouldn't have been able to pay.

He was telling me about his "Uni days" but going really OTT with all the actions, sinking right down his seat and sprawling all over to demonstrate how drunk he was one night and people were starting to stare.

He then asked me outright at the table "so, what do you think then?" as if I was considering buying his services you know? I didn't know how to answer, I mean...what could I say "yeah, I like you" or "ummm no, I don't think so actually..."??

Anyway the next night I had invited him to my cousins birthday party (arranged before I'd met him, stupid really) and he made us late for that by not getting ready on time etc and then when we were there he was the same again in front of all my family, OTT, loud etc.

I feel a bit sad because I really liked him "before" I had met him and its not as if he's lied about anything, I just dont know what I was expecting

Is it me or is this whole net dating thing flawed?

People can come across very differently online than offline. When you chat on MSN, you only see text, not an actual live person having a real conversation with you, complete with all of their actions etc. (Well, unless you stick on video chat lol)

Maybe he was nervous, people often try too hard when they're nervous. He met you for the first time and was loud, and then the next night he met your family and was loud again - he's bound to be nervous and wanting to impress.

Have a chat with him, ask in a light hearted way if he is always so loud and animated, or whether it's just because he was nervous about meeting you and your family within the space of 2 days.

I'd give him a chance for now, and see if he tones it down. As you said, he hasn't lied about anything, you just managed to think of his real life persona as something possibly different than what it was - that's not his fault.

I'm afraid I wouldn't give him the chance...

I once met a bloke who seemed to be 'perfect' - hardly ever saw him, only talked over the phone and by e-mail etc, and somehow he always knew just what to say, how to make me feel special etc.,

But, in RL, he was a manipulative, loud, drunken, chavvy, obmoxious, self obsessed bore. My gut instincts told me that, but I thought 'I must be wrong, he was so nice on line' but it's obviously easier to act on line than in RL...

YOu gave him a chance, by seeing him the night after.. Now, it's time to run for the hills!

yup, the rules of online dating are the same as in RL. When you do go on a real date, if the vibe is wrong, knock it on the head...

As for your question, I don't think the net dating thing is flawed per se but I would strongly advise to take a potential relationship away from the virtual world as soon as possible with someone you connect with. As has been said, we are all different in real life and the sooner you leave the keyboard and meet someone in real life, the less chance you have of wasting your time.

What I mean is the net is a great place to window shop but it is not the place to carry out a relationship. A lot of people hide behind the net to cover up for a lot of things so it is best to meet them in real life as soon as is practical and safe. It's the same if you meet someone in a bar... if you have an initial attraction, you would hardly then spend 6 months on MSN before going on your first date

It is flawed insofar as you won't know if you click with someone until you meet them - but you do get to weed out all those with dif political/social/aspirational etc.views to you.

See it for what it was, a possibility that didn't work out. Now, move on and find a new one to connect with!

Good luck

Life's too short to persevere with someone who repels you on the first RL date. It won't get any better. There are plenty more, much nicer men out there.

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince (and even princes usually have webbed feet!)

Good luck

First impressions COUNT ... that's why internet dating is flawed. We can't watch the facial expressions, body language, and other things that matter in selecting who we relate to. I'm sorry your experience was disappointing for you. Better luck next time

oh you must have been mad to pre invite hijm to a party and for hi to meet friends and family

i am seeing someone/possibly he is my boyfriend at least wea re in a relationship and he is from a dating site

yours sounds awful

i think it is better to meet sooner rather than later

i only met two actually