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Reminscing about short term summer guy...

11 replies

MillyMooo · 11/01/2024 21:28

OK, I feel completely pathetic over this and am having a weak moment- please be gentle!

It's been a fairly uneventful few years love life wise. Pandemic, apps generally being shite, life...but met a guy last summer who showed real promise. We have some mutual acquaintances so I knew he was a good guy. Ended up dating for 2 months. He was sweet, consistent, we had a great time on dates with him referring to future ones. And then for no reason that I could see, he started slow fading. Was confusing/hurtful at the time as it seemed like things were going well. Finally called him out and he said he didn't know if he saw us in the long term. Apologised for his poor communication over the last weeks.

Was sad at the time but moved on. No contact since. Over the festive period a friend asked if I had ever heard from him and it got me thinking. I know your worth doesn't depend on outside validation but in my weaker moments, I do feel a little....sad/rejected that he never reached out again. Has he really never been curious? Never missed me? We ended on decent terms and I'm pretty sure he's still single. Just ranting but so annoyed with myself for still feeling like this, I know its pathetic. I've had long term relationships that have lingered far less.

Anyone had anything similar/any advice?!

OP posts:
samestyle · 11/01/2024 21:48

Have you never dated a guy that you weren't totally into enough for the long term? Try and see it from that point of view. It's for the best he didn't come back and try and play you knowing he didn't want a relationship.
You know how wonderful you are and what you have to give, it's just a matter of waiting for the right one, don't analyse why you weren't good enough for him, it's just one of those things.
If it helps, think of a few traits that you didn't find so appealing about him, if it's the communication then next time, you'll be looking to date a guy that is very clear with communication and anyone that tries to slow fade won't be good enough for you anyway.

seagull82 · 11/01/2024 22:01

I've felt this way before, also felt embarrassed at how long the sad feelings lingered considering how short the relationship lasted. With me he actually got back in touch and asked to start dating again over a year after the first split... he ended again for similar reasons to your guy and it hurt so much more the second time.
Like someone else said, concentrate on his bad traits if it makes you feel better, he's not for you.

IronNeonClasp · 11/01/2024 22:52

We ended on decent terms and I'm pretty sure he's still single.

How do you know? Stalking?

Move on.. X

PSEnny · 11/01/2024 23:00

If it wasn’t there for him it wasn’t there. He hasn’t got in touch because he didn’t feel as you did. It’s sad and hurtful and I understand why there’s still that bit of hope there but try not to think about it. I’ve been here many times and you just need to accept it wasn’t to be.

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 11/01/2024 23:17

You shouldn't feel pathetic at all. It sounds like it was a positive and optimistic time in your life, a lovely summer romance until the disappointing ending, and it's completely normal (especially in these cold, dark January days!) to feel sad wondering what the hell actually happened. And who knows, but if he didn't value you and had his head turned by someone, then he's not the one for you. His loss.

I'm sure it will get easier again with time, but you're a human being not a robot. Don't beat yourself up for having a heart, and just give yourself a little treat or two and make some nice plans to look forward to to take your mind off it again.

OwlWeiwei · 11/01/2024 23:26

For whatever reason, your relationship with him was not what he was looking for. That doesn't reflect on you. He liked you enough to date you for a while. But many people have quite a fixed idea of what they are looking for in a long term partner. However much they fancy or like someone they date, if that person doesn't feel like they would really fit into the life they are seeking, it won't work.

MillyMooo · 12/01/2024 18:53

.

OP posts:
MillyMooo · 12/01/2024 18:56

IronNeonClasp · 11/01/2024 22:52

We ended on decent terms and I'm pretty sure he's still single.

How do you know? Stalking?

Move on.. X

Nope, if you read my post again you'll see we have mutual aquaintances. 'Move on'- hadn't thought of that!

OP posts:
MillyMooo · 12/01/2024 18:59

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 11/01/2024 23:17

You shouldn't feel pathetic at all. It sounds like it was a positive and optimistic time in your life, a lovely summer romance until the disappointing ending, and it's completely normal (especially in these cold, dark January days!) to feel sad wondering what the hell actually happened. And who knows, but if he didn't value you and had his head turned by someone, then he's not the one for you. His loss.

I'm sure it will get easier again with time, but you're a human being not a robot. Don't beat yourself up for having a heart, and just give yourself a little treat or two and make some nice plans to look forward to to take your mind off it again.

Thank you! Am getting there but I think Christmas was a blip to be honest. Onwards and upwards though.

OP posts:
MillyMooo · 12/01/2024 19:02

OwlWeiwei · 11/01/2024 23:26

For whatever reason, your relationship with him was not what he was looking for. That doesn't reflect on you. He liked you enough to date you for a while. But many people have quite a fixed idea of what they are looking for in a long term partner. However much they fancy or like someone they date, if that person doesn't feel like they would really fit into the life they are seeking, it won't work.

This is true, think in general (not just with him) I need to stop taking stuff like this personally. You never really know what's going on with someone's head/life/attachment issues/other really. But no point in ruminating!

OP posts:
MillyMooo · 12/01/2024 19:05

samestyle · 11/01/2024 21:48

Have you never dated a guy that you weren't totally into enough for the long term? Try and see it from that point of view. It's for the best he didn't come back and try and play you knowing he didn't want a relationship.
You know how wonderful you are and what you have to give, it's just a matter of waiting for the right one, don't analyse why you weren't good enough for him, it's just one of those things.
If it helps, think of a few traits that you didn't find so appealing about him, if it's the communication then next time, you'll be looking to date a guy that is very clear with communication and anyone that tries to slow fade won't be good enough for you anyway.

Very true. Trying to reframe anyone who slow fades past a couple of dates as a massive ick anyway. Inconsistency and poor communication is not attractive. Especially well into your 30s. Thanks! 😊

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