Supporting friend who’s in a relationship with a workaholic gambler

[Danburite]

Any practical tips on things I can say/do to support my friend? Last week when we spoke she was absolutely not getting back together with him; I had a feeling it wouldn’t last and it hasn’t. Do I keep pointing out all his shitty behaviour when she tells me, and encouraging her to break it off? Or is this a waste of energy and there’s a better approach?

Brief context: I don’t live in the same country as my friend so can’t just pop round. They don’t live together but have been together on and off for 5 years. I don’t think he’s been violent or abusive.

You're just gonna have to wait until it dies. Unfortunately that will take a while

Have you ever reflected on how much support you've offered this friend over the past 5 years and how much you get back? Does she just call to offload on you and moan about him, only to ignore any and all advice?

Does she offer support or any interest in you and your life during these phonecalls or is it all about her and her relationship?

Last week when we spoke she was absolutely not getting back together with him; I had a feeling it wouldn’t last and it hasn’t.

If you've had 5 years of listening to this ^ I can't imagine how much of your time and emotional energy you've already wasted. I'd just stop talking to her about him. Change the subject every single time.

What is a workaholic gambler?

He is both a workaholic and a gambler (has a gambling problem/addiction)

Thanks @CharmedCult @Beastiesandthebeauty

I do get things back from her; it’s not one-sided. We initially met through a course and we do similar work and often geek out over our shared interests, so it’s not all (or even often) relationship talk. In fact I think she’s held back from saying how crappy he can be and has only recently started to share more.

However, having had previous experience many years ago of putting a lot of time and emotion into supporting a friend who never took advice about her controlling and abusive partner, I can see how this could go. I don’t want to be wasting my breath but I also want to be a supportive friend.