Advice on separating

[KM99]

My husband and I have agreed to start formal separation. It's been a long time coming and the initial conversations a few months ago were started by me. We are as amicable as we can be right now, staying in the house while we work out the practical next steps. We have 1 DS aged 9. At the moment only a couple of my very close friends know. My husband is a good, fair person (it's just a slow loss of any feelings of husband/wife between us and not being able to give the other person what they need anymore). We both want to do this the "right" way. So what advice to others have about this? Particularly:

• Separating but being under the same roof for a period of time
• Legal documentation
• Eventually telling our child - timing and approach
• Any practical tips?

I'm starting to research online but appreciate the power of the Mumsnet hive mind!

Following this, as I am in the same situation, but with older children (13 and 16). We had 'the conversation' last night, instigated by me. I very much want to keep things on the best possible terms, for all our sakes. The conversation went as well as it could have done, heartbreaking as it was. We have been together 24 years, married nearly 20. Same reasons for separating as you really, except in our case, money stuff has brought it to a head. He's been accruing secret debts and it's had a huge impact.

We'll also be living together for a good while, likely a year or more until we can sell the house. My husband has said he doesn't think we should tell the children for a good while yet - months even - but given their ages, I feel pretty sure they will know something's up before long. However, having dropped this bombshell on my husband, I feel I need to take things at his pace at least for now.

Solidarity!

Thanks! I raised back in September that I wasn't happy. He made some noises about wanting to work it out, but we both knew that time had long passed if I'm honest. We decided to see through Christmas and for him to take some time to adjust. His head is pretty much in the same space as mine now. It's sad but in my heart I know it's the right thing to do. It just feels so daunting to face the logistics. We both agreed it will take time and we can't or won't rush.

Yes the logistics are daunting. It sounds like I'm where you were last September, more or less.

Do you have a spare room? We don't, although I have just bought a small sofa bed for the sitting room. So far he's saying he doesn't want to sleep separately but I wonder whether that will change, and also maybe I should just start sleeping downstairs anyway, just to make it clear that this is really happening.