@harerunner
I've reflected on this a lot because the window for having kids is closing for me and if I could somehow develop an attraction for my friend that would mean I might not miss out altogether - I want to fancy him, but there's an active repulsion rather than even a lukewarm feeling.
For some reason, I don't feel very feminine around him...I don't feel the kind of masculine energy that turns me on. I also think pheremones are a factor...there's something I find/smell when we are close that isn't an actual odour but makes me want to get away from him. It's happened once before with a male friend and everyone bar one person wanted us to be together.
Eventually, an acquaintance who knew us both said that she didn't like the idea of us together, she said he was good looking but there was something she couldn't put her finger on that she found repulsive about him and she asked me, "do you smell that horrible smell around him?". It was like she read my mind.
She went on to tell me that she felt the same way about her second partner but forced herself to get over it (she had two sons and desperately hoped for a daughter). She told me that during sex the "smell" would become overwhelming and made her feel physically sick but that he was clean and would wash before so she couldn't understand it. No matter what they tried, they never conceived. Her theory was that the "smell" was a warning that two people were genetically incompatible. In the end, she broke up with him because of the smell.
Everyone used to say my ex actively smelled (it was his feet) and would ask how I could bear to be around him. It sounds gross but (feet aside) I loved the smell of him and used to bury my face in his armpit hair when we'd cuddle! I'm guessing he had good pheromones.
Attraction is weird. But maybe there is a whole unseen level that most of us are unaware of.