Coping with partner overseas for work

[Mumtoboys82]

I'm feeling mighty sorry for myself and I would like advice on coping and probably just a bit of sympathy too! My other half does contracting work. He's currently away on what should have been a 10 week contract. I don't want to reveal too much but he's still there after 13 weeks due to political issues in the country he is in and a problem with immigration paperwork. Essentially a regime holding contractors paperwork up in the hope of extortion!
It will get sorted but we don't know when. I miss him like mad, I'm really struggling with the concept of not knowing when he'll get home and being totally helpless to do anything about it. We had lots of plans for when he was due home, all now delayed.

I have plenty to keep me busy. I have children, work, great friends and a good social life so why am I feeling so miserable about this? We had hoped for news following a meeting with senior staff today but there's no update and I've spent most of the day on the verge of tears.

I'm trying to think ahead, we've got loads of fun stuff planned for the summer etc but today I'm just struggling. I miss him so much :(

Don't get me wrong but it's great that you are feeling the way you do. My exh also worked abroad a lot and after a few years I stopped missing him when he was away because it was easier than when he wasn't around, and then I started dreading him coming home and counting down the days for him to leave again. We are obviously divorced now.

I understand that the not knowing is propbably just as much of an issue as the length of time he's been away. Send pictures and videos to each other, stay in touch, maybe create a common Spotify list where you each add a song a day until he's back. Enjoy the fact that you miss him, even though it's uncomfortable, it's a great sign.

Sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds like you are keeping busy. Could you focus on planning something special for when he comes back? Even if you don’t have a definite date yet. That helps keep the mind busy.

That said, speaking from personal experience of working abroad in dodgy places, as much as it pissed me off, paying the bribes to the police and the immigration officials really did make the waters part. It’s annoying because you know they are such shits, but it got our paperwork sorted so we could get out.

Thanks both. I know it's a good thing that I miss him so much, it's just hard! I'm keeping busy and we're currently researching summer holidays so lots to look forward to. I just hate wishing my life away.

@RoachFish what you describe is exactly how I felt with my exH, I dreaded him coming home. :(

Working away long periods is tough. My exh and current dp did and do so. So I totally get your feelings. It's the not knowing, the inability to 'tick days off'. Set yourself a goal of things to do each day and tick them off instead. Give yourself lots of self love and care. I used to journal each morning and before bed to get rid of the feelings that would sometimes sit heavy on my chest. That helped immensely. Almost a set time to dwell on missing him, worrying. Then let it go for the day and focus on what needs to be done. Keep busy. It's a tough life, especially when significant dates roll by like birthdays and Christmas and you see other families together. Vent on here if you need to.

Thanks all. It's a bit of a revelation really, like @RoachFish described, with my exH I was glad when he was away. I'm not used to actually missing someone like this and feeling so desperate for them to get back. I cope fine when there's a return date to look forward to. I think this time is so hard because of the uncertainty.

Into another week and still no word on how or when the issues will be resolved to allow him to come home. We've been doing watch party on Amazon and watching films together, going to try an online escape room at the weekend. I just miss him so much, this is rubbish :( On a slightly positive note, I think this is prompting him to rethink his work plans and it might just be the nudge to get him to finally step away from the contractor life. I'm currently scared he's going to be stuck there for months!

I'm so sorry for you, but try to find things to do together online. Games, reading a book, you can even make a date online. But try not to fix that much on him. Set new goals or habits. Work on improving your skills in something. Let your mind focus on anything else.

Well he was home for a month and we had a wonderful time. Managed to squeeze in a weekend away, meals out, out with friends to see a band, nights in cooking and watching movies together. It was bliss. Now he's away again for 3 months.

He's doing this job until the end of financial year April 2025 then he swears blind he's done with it and will get a 'regular' job. One more year of missing him but the end is in sight. I hope.