Husband Opened Bank My Bank Statements

[TemporaryNameForDivorce]

He was in a rant. Insisting I was hiding something. So he opened my bank statements with me pleading with him not to do it (not because I was hiding anything. I wasn’t. But because it’s horrible bullying behaviour.)

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Am I overreacting?

Although he later apologised to me he told our teen while they were out on their own that he thought he was right and mummy thought she was right and that it’s just one of those difficult things and he said he was still cross. WTAF.

Do you both hide your accounts from each other? If so, why? Of course it would be totally right to now insist on transparency with his accounts. Quid pro quo - he shows you his now, only fair ( and maybe you get to find out it's all transference and he's been the dodgy one)

Wow, that is so out of order. What does he think you're hiding?

I'd be considering where I could redirect my post to, if something like this happened to me.

That is a really strange argument.

on the one hand, he should respect your boundaries when you tell him not to open something.

on the other hand, I wouldn’t stay married to someone who hesitated to show me a financial statement (unless it was to hide a surprise gift). Financial transparency is a cornerstone of marriage.

This is weird.

I wouldn't be even slightly bothered if DH opened my statement. Why do you not want him to see them?

Pleading with him and he's messaging your teenager about 'mummy' and the argument?
What am I reading??

I agree, still calling his teen you're his mummy?

Weird.

OP. Open another bank account he has no access to and start saving money.

You will thank your future self.

I wouldn't be bothered of my DH looked at my bank statements, I've accidentally opened his before and then just given them to him...
But ddemanding angrily to see it would get my back up...
and if he ignored my wish for him not to open it I would consider that abusive.
I mean tbf like I said I don't think I'd ever give a shit to the point where I'd ask him not to open it.. but equally he would never get angry and demand to open them...
So I dunno here...
It's a wierd situation.
He should definitely not have opened your post without your permission tho as that is actually illegal

Leave him qnd tell your teen 'mummy left daddy' because he's an abusive bastard and we should never abuse people or stay with people who are abusive to us'

I'm assuming he 'thinks you are cheating' or rather, is pretending to think that so he can behave in a controlling and abusive way.

There's no excuse for his behaviour.
Leave him and never let him back into your life.

If you’re pleading because he’s a bully you should get rid.

Sound like a weird relationship

I seriously mean it op you need to be straight up with your teen that dads behaviour was abusive and he had no right to act that way and we should neve stay with abusers. Ever.

What he has said to your child could fuck them up for life because he's essentially said its OK for him to abuse people and that he's 'still angry' (omg, wtf!?) even though he is the one who behaved appallingly.

He's teaching your child abuse is OK.
It's terrifying.

Please lead by example and leave whatever it takes. Give your teen at least one safe place to be, far away from this monster.

This. Also, ‘pleading with him’? That just sounds wrong. I have never and will never ‘plead’ with my husband. That’s not a healthy dynamic.

Your marriage sounds like a fucking nightmare. What's the point of it?

But that doesn't matter what you think. Maybe you have a normal husband who is not controlling.

It's what she thinks that matters here and she thinks she would prefer to keep things private and he refused and opened her mail.

Unfortunately I can’t expand much on the circumstances without the details being potentially outing. But can say he felt I was deceiving him about something. I was not. We are financially comfortably off. Our mortgage is paid off. There’s no need for oversight in any sense. It was awful.

Are you in the process of getting a divorce?

Dont sweep this under the carpet op. The second you said no, that should have been the end of it.

He's betrayed you utterly and is still acting like the wronged party.

Don't waste any more time talking with him. Your marriage needs to end. There's no coming back from this sort of bs.

You are not over reacting it was abusive.

You need to change your banking discreetly in stages to an unknown account he does not know about. If you need to cover what you are doing, in case he’s checking for this sort of thing, take small amounts of cash out here and there and then deposit it in new account. Online statements only sent to an email address he does not have access to.

The fact that he thinks it’s OK that his teenage child knows about this makes it even worse.

Abuse starts small then escalates so hope you are OK.

I contacted the lawyer. I have an appointment next week.

I was merely checking I’m not overreacting.

Thank you all for the support. I feel quite teary.

He also told our teen that I had opened his bank statements before. Which is absolute rubbish.

Hope it goes well next week. You will feel awful for ages but then you will get a new life without him and things will get better bit by bit. 💐

Dragging your teen into it is incredibly bad parenting from him. He does sound like sm abusive pos. Is this coz he thinks you are gathering money together in order to leave him?
I'd open a bank account he doesn't know about... get the app on your phone and switch from paper statements to online ones then you will not be getting letters he could potentially open

Totally agree about dragging our teen into it. Piss poor parenting. But laughable that he apologised unreservedly to me while spinning that yarn to our teen. What a controlling arse.

There is obviously a lot more that is going on. If this is the last straw and divorce is next - good luck!
It won't be pretty but it does seem like the relationship is at the point of no return.
Good luck with a solicitor. They are sharks and charge a lot. But if there is a lot of assets on the line - it can be worth is.

It doesn't matter whether some couples are nonchalant about opening each others' bank statements (like I would have been). We all have different boundaries in our relationships, and our partners should respect those. When they don't, especially when continue despite pleading, the relationship is failing.

Either he truly apologises, you're able to forgive, and you move on... or your have to end it unless you want to remain in a dysfunctional relationship.