I'm not coping Rant

[UnnecessaryKitten]

I'm not coping with parenthood. The stressful daily routine, ensuring everything and everyone is all goodand got what they need.
I feel so alone, even though I'm with my partner (the children's father).
Judgment from his family. I'm not contact with my own family. I have no friends whatsoever (no one talks to me anymore).
I can't stand that we can barely afford to live. But a lot of it is out of my control.
Sometimes I feel like me and my partner aren't on the same wave length.
This is not what I wanted when I decided to become a parent.
I'm slowly resenting my partner because of the following :
He rarely talks about what he wants for the kids or house. He talks about his wants. I'm the one who brings up wanting to do more with the kids.
I swear financially he's in it for himself. For example we always seem to be financially good for when it comes to his birthday and Christmas presents but when it comes to the kids we're suddenly struggling. This Christmas was an eye opener.
Note: I had get a few 2nd hand toys for our three children. With him he got brand new items for his hobbies. Which cost alot.
When I said about getting the girls more he told me he couldn't afford it.
I felt gutted. When my in-laws came down and said they wanted to go to the shop. I said I wanted to go to the toy shop, which I used my credit card to get the girls more gifts. I felt rubbish that my partner had way more to open. Even the girls asked to open some of our gifts.
It was so heart breaking.
I hate it when he says things we should be doing or that. But what he means is what I should be doing. When I brought that up he keeps saying "I definitely mean we should be doing this together" But he never does the thing 'we' should be doing together.
He complains about the amount of time I'm on my phone.
But the difference is, is that I'm listening to stuff while I'm cleaning or preparing meals. Where's he is sat watching what ever is on his phone doing nothing.
He rarely cleans. The only time he would if he know I'm annoyed with him or is asked.
He won't do stuff for our family on own. For example if we need something we either have to go as a family or I go on my own. I have to plan everything for our children.

I feel so bad for our children. I feel like a failure as a parent.

Sorry for my rant. Thank you for your time.

Woooooah OP, give yourself a break and I say this as you seem to be doing everything and carrying the full mental load.

If you could leave tomorrow would you as if you would then it’s practical steps time but on the down low. You need a solid plan and support to do so and believe me there is support out there besides family.

You’re not alone although it may feel like it now.

oh and I forgot to add you are far from a failure as a parent in fact you’re a great parent as you’re trying to make things better for your girls and running yourself into the ground doing it, you need to really take some head space or you will drive yourself crazy and you nor your girls need that. I say this kindly too.

When you decided to become a parent for the 1st time or 3rd time - they don't get better with more DC's if they were crap with the first.
He's financially abusing you and he knows it - most likely why you are not married. He should be ending up with the same disposable income as you, now you're a family, regardless of what you earn. If you didn't have a joint account set up with your first DC and share the cost proportionately, the writing was on the wall unfortunately.
Best you can do is split and claim CM off him - this could well still be more than he is putting into the pot.
Bit confused by him having more presents than your DD's? Did he wrap his own to himself? If you bought him any, that was unnecessary and ludicrous.

If you can call his bluff, threaten to leave him. If he wants to stay then he needs to spend more on the children at the very least. But try to plan a future without him. He will take take take.

I had get a few 2nd hand toys for our three children. With him he got brand new items for his hobbies. Which cost alot.

Read what you wrote there over and over again and then make your decision.

Selfish fucker. A hobby more important than your children?!

Tells you all you need to know.

He's the most selfish "child" in the family.