There's 0 trust

[CCitny]

Me and my partner have been together 3 years (we're both in early twenties)

We are each others first relationship infact I was even my partners first kiss🫣

For some reason , we have never trusted each other fully! I would panic if he was to go on a night out and he would panic if I was to go on a night out. In my head I would be convinced he's out cheating on me. He would be convinced the same . But there's never been a reason to why we didn't fully have trust in each other since we've never been In relationships before we've never been hurt before.

We just put it down to we love each other so much and we're scared of losing one another.

Although we have a trust issue, deep in my heart I "knew" he wouldn't do anything to hurt me from the way he would always reassure me etc.

Fast forward 2 months ago I found out he was texting other girls !!! Although I had a trust issue anyway I was severely shocked to find out he was texting other girls. I was absolutely heartbroken. I got back with him willing to make things work but I can't tolerate the crazy I'm being.

Our relationship is clearly very unhealthy. I'm well aware. I have zero trust in him. I constantly think about the time he was texting other girls & it destroys me. He also has zero trust in me although he has no real reason to.

How the hell do you build trust? If he pops to the shop my anxiety goes through the roof! I need to stop this before I go insane. I love him, I want to make it work but the trust issues is bizarre!

We have a baby together so walking away isn't just as easy. I feel sick to my stomach .

Can trust be build? Trust like this?

In my view your relationship is too broken. Let go find someone who makes you happy.Let him go. You have nothing if you dont have trust,nothing at all.This isnt love. I am sorry OP it isnt. You dont know it now but fast forward your life 5 yrs and it will be so much better.

He is your first love. He won't be your last. Both of you will move onto better things. It's no fun for anybody at the moment and you are so young to be putting up with a bad relationship.

This is incredibly unhealthy and I personally think you need to cut your losses and get some therapy before moving into another relationship. Relationships like that are really bad for everyone involved

LTB and learn to live alone and have some confidence.

No one should be reliant on the actions of another person.

Explore the world and have fun. Without him.

When you say texting other girls, do you mean in a flirtatious or setting way, or just literally chatting? There's a big difference, one is OK so the problem is yours, the other is not OK so he should be binned off.

'Sexting way'

I am in a similar situation with zero trust, we also have a baby. We are currently in relationship counselling and he has moved out of my home. I’m not sure I can ever get the trust back.

What concerns me is that when you say he doesn’t trust you I actually think he’s projecting that he doesn’t trust himself - clearly he has been behaving inappropriately and probably justifying it by “well I don’t trust her either so its ok.”

I think maybe you don’t trust him because in your gut you may be picking up on the fact that this isn’t going to be all he wants in life? Has he ever made you feel like he hasn’t experienced enough and may need more down the line even if he’s not said it?

I’ll be honest, it does seem as though he is wanting to explore being with others which is normally something that would have been done prior to getting into something so serious. I’d try and address it in counselling but obviously if the underlying reason is he wants to be single/free etc then you will have to let him go.

If there's zero trust, there's zero point.

Build trust in yourself first, before you move on to other people.

Trust yourself to walk away from anybody who you don't feel safe with, including emotional safety. Once you've done that, you will only spend time with people you feel good with.

You never need to try to make yourself trust a person. If you don't trust them, you respect that feeling. At the moment you are trying to disrespect yourself, and you're posting here to ask us how to do it.

We just put it down to we love each other so much and we're scared of losing one another.

No, lack of trust is absolutely not a sign of greater love. This relationship was a shitshow from the start and for your next one you need to internalise this lesson.

A good relationship is one that feels easy, where you don't have to fight for anything and where trusting your partner feels like the natural thing to do. No trust = not a relationship worth having.

Finish the relationship.
Learn to love life as a single person, you'll realise you don't actually need anyone and you'll be less immature about relationships. It will also help with your boundaries.

No one wants to be with an obsessive or jealous partner.