Ways to deal with pangs of rejection from shit family?

[SMTWTFSS]

I'll start my mentioning, I've had lots of therapy to help me process this situation and I've mostly accepted it for what it is, but man, every so often I'm caught off guard and the lack of involved family and rejection from them stings like a physical pain.

Long story short, my parents are horrible people. Loads of abuse and trauma growing up. I found the strength to cut contact almost 10 years ago and I've never looked back. They are not really the roots of my problems though...

The problem is my extended family on both sides, they just don't care. They decided to tar me with the same brush as my parents from a very young age and despite me reaching out on many occasions throughout my life, they don't give a shit about me and it sucks.

They know I'm not in contract with my parents and they know I'm absolutely nothing like them. I just don't understand how anyone can live their life, knowingly treating a family member so poorly and rejecting them because, I guess I'm to much effort to bother with?

Does anyone else have any similar experiences? How do you cope with the loneliness and rejection? I understand through therapy that they are the problem and not me but it doesn't make me feel any better about the situation and I'm often left questioning if I am the problem?

I'm having a bit of a pity party as it was my birthday last month and not one family member bothered their arse to send me a message, not that they ever have tbh. Yet I have a few of them on social media and they all seem to have these big happy family gatherings where they all know and celebrate eachothers company. Life sucks sometimes.

You should try your best and take your time developing trustworthy relationships with other people in your life and definitely go NC. It hurts because your family is supposed to be supportive and treat you with love and respect, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. You're definitely not alone in experiencing this and only once you go NC you can begin to heal and create a life for yourself without them in it. Over time, you'll feel better as you're not around there negatively anymore and you'll have no desire to. You won't care at all.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. You're right, I really should just delete them all from my life. I've just always longed to be surrounded by some supportive family members and I don't think it's a feeling that will ever leave me.

I can create my own support network through friends etc but I always feel like an odd ball when anyone asks or chats about their own families as I just can't relate to them. It's embarrassing and I often wonder if people assume that I'm the problem too. I mean who doesn't have ANY family despite claiming to have done nothing to cause any rifts.

My close friends know about my sister. She still keeps in contact with my ExH. My ExH and his GF are going to her house next weekend with my DD. My DD said, this is weird Mum, and I agreed and said to concentrate on being with her cousins.
Both our parents died. I dont like my sister for all the decisions she's made without regard and respect for me. It's important to me that I keep the cousins in contact with each other. But once they can drive and dont need me. Then it's unlikely that she'll see me again.

I think it's about accepting that just because you're family doesn't mean you will be close, even if you are all perfectly nice, reasonable people. I don't have either of my parents in my life anymore either - my dad wasn't around much when I was growing up (wasn't very nice either) and died when I was 18. I am NC with my mum because she's quite emotionally unstable and has caused a lot of pain, plus put my dc at risk. I don't have any contact with any of my extended family. We weren't really close when I was growing up, and some of them frankly aren't very nice people. I haven't seen any of them in 20+ years. They don't really know me. Barely saw me as a child and have had no relationship with me as an adult - I can't see why they would. We just aren't in each others lives. That's okay. I do fill my life though with people who I choose. Nice, lovely, kind people who value me and my children.

You are absolutely not alone though in having no relationships with family. The people who talk about their families, yes, they (might!) have good close relationships. But a lot of people don't - they just don't talk openly about it. Actually, you may find - as I have - that once you start being quite open about your family situation, you find a lot of people with similar experiences. I know so many people who are similarly NC with family now that I've started to open up about it. People tend to feel like they are being a bit of a downer to bring it up, so no one does. Or sometimes they just outright lie to cover up the lack of family - I've found myself telling fictitious stories about my family when having small talk just because it felt weird to be like, oh, I haven't seen my mum in 4 years and have no idea where she lives! But the more you talk about it, the more you'll find kindred souls who are in the same boat, and it feels a lot less lonely.