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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I confront friend about shady comments

7 replies

sabrina1234 · 09/01/2024 22:00

So I have a friend (sara), who I have known for 8 years. I considered her a good friend and someone I could trust. She has shared very private detail about her life to me and so have I. But there were a couple of incidents recently that have made me doubt her.

So she had been coming over for a couple weeks to help out with my sisters wedding. She made a couple of comments that made me question her loyalty.

The first comment. So I'd told Sara about the distant relatives coming over, how their husbands are perverts and are known to sleep around with other women. I told her this in private and in front of the other single girls she mentioned something along the lines of "good luck finding a man from her family, because theyre dodgy ". I can't remember exactly what she said but it was something to indicate that there is something wrong with my family, which I won't argue there isn't, but I feel like the comment was uncalled for.

The second comment. My sister, Sara and another friend were sat in the room in our house after one of the events. She asked the other girl in front of my sister "is their bathroom clean" becaues apparently she didn't want to use the bathroom in the function hall as it was "too dirty", and wanted to see if ours was clean enough.

Third comment. we had guests coming over and while my mum was in the kitchen making food for our guests that we had coming over, my mum overheard Sara tell one of my other friends that we should have ordered food for the guests instead of cooking? . It made me feel like she looks down on us? As if we can't afford to buy food for guests. It was a weird comment.

Forth comment. Sara's kids are crazy and she does not discipline them. They were running around on the stage almost knocking over the camera man's equipment and the wedding cake itself. I told her to get her kids off stage. No one else's kids were playing on the stage becaues their parents would warn them. When I told her to get her kids off the stage, her response "where else are they meant to play the car park outside is dangerous" and she also said "you shouldn't have told me to bring them then". I didn't make her bring her kids by force. She was mad that she can't control them and needed someone to blame.

These comments kind of got on my nerves and i want to bring it up to her gently but I don't know how, or even if its worth bringing up or if I'm just being petty and overthinking things

OP posts:
Lovetoshop365 · 09/01/2024 22:11

Who's house was she at when she asked if it was clean? Yours?

sabrina1234 · 09/01/2024 22:11

Yes mine

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 09/01/2024 22:12

I'd just ohase her out tbh. She sounds socially inept.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 09/01/2024 22:15

A mn typical 'you don't seem to really like her much' from me!

strawberryandtomato · 09/01/2024 22:17

Maybe she felt bad your mum was in the kitchen cooking rather than socialising.
Context is key.

Overthinking to me. You don't seem to want to be her friend

Lovetoshop365 · 09/01/2024 22:26

Hmm. I'm sure she's used your toilet before so that's weird. I would start distancing myself and don't invite her around your family. People like her have always got something to say.

NaughtybutNice77 · 09/01/2024 23:08

It's unclear what her role is in the wedding planning. The comment a out your male relatives was uncalled. The other bits dont seem serious. I doubt she was actually questioning if your toilet was clean. Presumably she's used it before without issue. Most probably it was a rhetorical question to highlight the other dirty toilet. As for the comment about home made food..meh, shes likely meaning it would be less hassle. Shes seen the effort your mums gone to and thought 'not for me mate'. I dont think she's looking down on you. As for the kids, well you know her kids and you knew they were coming....sounds like they were just being their usual selves.
She seems quite extroverted and blunt at times. That's why she makes you giggle on a night out. That's why shes stepped up and offered to help you. It's as if you want her to have a new personality and it's actually you looking down on your brash friend.

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