Profile prompt and response

[itallhingesonthis]

I've set up a dating profile and one of the prompts asked something along the lines of 'I'm looking for someone...'

I wrote a few requirements, including "who is close to family/friends'

Admittedly, I initially wrote 'family and/or friends' but changed it to lower my character count.

Someone has now commented on my prompt saying he's never understood this requirement and that status amongst family tells you nothing about another person.

I do understand that there are circumstances where a person is distanced from family for good reason. As I said, I initially wrote it meaning someone who is close to others in some way, as I simply don't want a loner.

It is something that matters to me, and I'm not going to debate with him, as that's not the point of the app for me, but I just wondered what others here thought?

Would you be interested in someone who didn't have other close relationships, be it family, friends, or neither?

If the person had no close relationships by choice, then no, it wouldn't bother me. Some people are just like that. I would be interested in the person for who they are, not for who they are close with.

I’m not close to my family. There’s no issues on fall out we’re just not a close family. So other people’s family dynamics doesn’t worry me in the slightest.

I'd be with you. I married someone with strains in their family relationships and it was a nightmare. They'd stopped caring about family and I hadn't. It was always a conflict.

That guy is being unnecessary to challenge your preferences.

It's totally OK to prefer a family-oriented man. Not everyone prefers that, but you can. Some cultures place family ties higher than friendship ones.

You don't have to justify your choice to some angry bloke on OLD.

We both have very minimal and it works for us. Could see there being an issue if one partner was from a giant over involved family and the other had none? Would be very underwhelming for one and overwhelming for the other.

You can't choose your family but you can choose friends. I would pay more attention to whether they have any friends and what sorts of friends they are. It's no use being close to a toxic family and flaky or horrid friends just for the sake of not being a loner.

That guy should be blocked, he is already challenging your boundaries and preferences.

I don't think most men looking at your profile will even notice and/or. They should get the gist.

I think you're right to be wary of people with no friend connections. Family is different as there are many valid reasons people become estranged from family. I'm quite out there on the anti social scale and greatly enjoy my own company, but even I have a small number of very good friends who I occasionally see and frequently chat on the phone to. No friends at all would worry me. But I've never seen this as a requirement OLD and I think few people would see themselves as such, or admit it even if they were loners.

Thanks for the replies.

I suppose I added it as on other sites I've seen 'family oriented' written as an interest, and others I've been involved with were close to family and had their own friends, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I don't live in my family or friends pockets. I'm very happy in my own company or without even speaking to anyone for days at a time. I'll never be someone who wants the weekly Sunday dinner round at the parents or daily phone calls with siblings.

I think I just want someone who definitely has their own life and interests outwith a relationship, and who won't crowd me or want all of my time. Although I know the two don't necessarily go hand in hand for those without family/friends.

I've not engaged with that that guy at all. Even if he was model material and ticked every other box, I'd be dodging him based on that interaction.

Is he not just finding an opening to starting a conversation with you? Instead of Hey...

This is where OLD can be a minefield of confusion. I’ve got a very active social life and I would want a potential partner to have similar. However having been in a relationship with someone whose adult daughters lived in his pocket and were constantly on his case when he was with me, the close to family requirement would put me off.

My DP had an abusive upbringing so is very low contact with family and due to moving around a lot for work he doesn’t have many close friendships. It’s not odd and he’s very well balanced and lovely. Seems an odd requirement to me, hard to measure!