Why does he do this ?

[Mollie44]

Occasionally if I ask my husband for financial help with something he’ll get really annoyed, have a go at me leave me feeling terrible and then sometimes he will text me to say he’s put the money on my account.
Latest example was a few weeks ago when I had to have time off work and I’m not paid for that. I asked if he could help out with the food shop that week. He replies he’s not a bank, he’s not helping me out etc and then he hangs up on me.
I start getting really stressed out and anxious and then get a text from him saying he’s put the money on my account !!!

Whenever I ask for help it’s for bills if I have time off from work. He earns a lot more than me.

You don’t have a husband.

He doesn't love you. He resents you.
I haven't worked for years, joint bank account, all his wages are our money.

He’s horrible. What kind of man makes his wife beg for money to feed the children, heat the house, pay the water bill…

He pays all the bills except the food which I pay for it amounts to about 900 a month.
i also pay for wednesday club and cantine costs for our youngest child

£900 a month for food! How many are you feeding?

He's still mean x

I earn about 1200 a month he earns 4200

Tell him if you have a joint account you won't have too annoyingly ask for money and it will save everyone a lot of trouble...I genuinely don't understand why people don't do this. Sometimes in our life DH has earned more than me, sometimes I've earned more than him. We've both been out of work at different times, both had inheritance money... joint account means it doesn't matter!

Hang on...you're paying £900 for food(!) plus other expenses for the kids. So you are left with, what, £100? £200? And he earns more than 3x what you do?

He's financially abusive. Leave him, take your share of the assets and go through CMS for maintenance. He is banking on the fact that you won't, and that you'll feel completely trapped and disempowered. I mean you need to do some sums but I'd be amazed if you would be financially worse off without him.

To mark you suffer. So you feel insecure and like you owe him. He’s horrible.

Because he's financially abusive.

All of the above. He is mean and not a nice person.

How are you spending £900 on food how many is that for ?
What is Wednesday club?

When I married DH I had 3 DC already. We then had one together and I was a SAHM for about 3 years.

Not once did her ever complain about money, or paying for everything. We had a joint account - provided for solely by his earnings - and everything came out of it. He never once complained if I bought things for myself, or things for my elder children. He certainly didn't complain about food. My ex paid no maintenance and DH supported us all. He is not a high earner.

Your DH sounds a dickhead.

You've already confirmed he is emotionally and physically abusive so who gives a crap about why does he do this ?

Get out. Don't try figure him out just get out.

@Mollie44, this horror of a man is a physical, verbal, emotional and financial abuser whom you’ve considered leaving. He has hit you in the back twice, intentionally poured water on you, and caused the tablet to ram into your stomach (and said he warned you). As is typical of manipulative abusers, he blames it all on you instead of taking responsibility.

Why does he do it? He enjoys having power over you. He enjoys belittling and humiliating you. The sadistic game he plays when you ask him for money is beyond the pale.

You’ve said he can be such a nice guy. As posters have previously advised, the ‘cycle of abuse’ is a real thing. Nice/abusive/nice/abusive… This is a very damaging environment and relationship model to show your children.

@Mollie44, I truly hope that you will gather your strength and find a way to leave this nasty piece of work.