Anyone else ‘younger’ and celibate?

[GaroTheMushroom]

I’m still what I class as fairly ‘young’ to live a life of celibacy. Im 35 and haven’t had sex since I was 28. It’s not that I don’t want to it’s that I’m a lone parent and never get time to myself ever, I often wonder if I should just meet a friend with benefits and get it over with but then I worry about being ghosted or it being rubbish and feeling even worse 🫣 I’m also not into casual sex so not sure it would even help me but I feel like the only ‘young’ (aware I’m not that young!) person living without sex, only people I hear from who are long term celibate are 50+ (not an issue with that just feel like the only person in my 30s living a life without sex 😂) or people in sexless marriages. Is anyone else the same kind of age living a life without sex or am I weird? Would you find someone and get it over with? The thought of being 10 years with no sex seems really sad or getting to my 40s with no sex. I feel too young to be celibate. Anyone else in the same boat? (I know there are Asexual people so not referring to people that just dont want sex)

That lifestyle would not be for me. I would be crawling up the wall. I need touch and l need passion. But l’ve always subscribed to the view that there is nothing wrong with having sex with a good friend.

I would try to cultivate up at least 2 special friendships (l hate the FWB term, it cheapens it) where everyone knew the score.

I’m mildly the same. Although have a lot of issues around sex so the thought of going into my 40s and beyond doesn’t really make me sad per se. just a a bit like an outsider if that makes sense? I think I miss being hugged and kissed by an adult quite a bit and that aspect does make me really sad actually.

As a single mum I’m just not sure where we’d find the time though? I do co*parent but have my son on weekends which is when I imagine most of the action happens for people and that’s just not an option for me. So I just read about other people’s lives on the internet to try and get my kicks.

I did start talking to an American guy online but it just wasn’t the same and felt a bit awkward doing anything virtually.

Also 35 here and haven’t had sex in a year… mine is a mix of near death medical trauma and also single parent. I just feel no desire . I don’t have time either I work,have 3 children,4 dogs and a house to run alone…if I’m honest I’ve have many offers but I actually can not be arsed 😁

Do those saying they don’t have time really mean that, even those with children?

You don’t have to spend the night with someone to enjoy a sexual liaison. People with the best sex lives are often those where sex has not just become “something you do”when you go to bed at night.

@StarlightLady I really would have time I suppose but I simply can’t be arsed. I work full time, own my own home, have 3 children and 4 dogs. I actually love my life now without a man. It has taken me probably a year to get over my last relationship and probably in the future would love to meet someone and have that whole passion thing going on but at the moment I’m so happy and at peace on my own. I don’t miss sex. I don’t miss the company. I am really happy on my own. And if that means no sex, so be it

Well at least it isn’t just me! No chance for me unfortunately there really isn’t any time at all being a full time lone parent but I feel like I’m forced into a life I didn’t choose I’m not a sexual and I do have a high sex drive so I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been extremely difficult like extreme! I feel if I found a fwb someone I already know that could work that way I don’t have to worry about having a weirdo in the house as it would be no different to a friend but not many people are available during school hours only!

I really genuinely don’t have time 😬

Mon I’m in the office, get back at 6:30
Tues: WFH and collect son from nursery
Weds: Have DS all day until tea time
Thur: Office, get back at 6:30
Fri: WFH collect DS from nursery
Weekend - Have DS and give him back Sun dinner.

I get about an hour to myself on workday mornings and three hours half the evenings, which no offence I’m not spending any of the 9 hours a week I get awkwardly fumbling around with some random.

I guess if I met someone from work but I’m not sure how awkward that may be

That sounds practical to me. I’m a fiercely independent woman and enjoy my own company but l do need regular 1:1 sex. With flexible working of so many now, the school hours issue can be an option.

There is nothing wrong with having sex with a good friend. Although l will get shot down in flames for saying that. I’m old school, l still use the term “lover”.

40 this year and been celibate for over two years, don't miss it. I'll never be interested in sex, dating, men or relationships again.

The whole entire thing is nothing but one big fuck off drain. Who can be arsed.

I have no interest in sex and haven’t had it for about 4 years. 40 this year.
I don’t plan on having it again to be honest.

You haven’t had sex for several years but still have a high sex drive, curious if you masturbate quite often instead then to help?

Not quite answering your question, OP, but my marriage imploded when I was 35 and I was then celibate for two weeks shy of ten years. This was for the same reasons as you - very young children, full on job, literally no time to put in any effort to find someone. I obviously did head into my 40s without having had sex and I won't lie, it was something I missed hugely (I would say I have a high drive).

So many people (mainly men!) will say 'women can get laid, just like that!' but that's not true if you're remotely discerning, don't enjoy OLD and aren't comfortable jumping your friends. I learned to live with it and felt my drive dwindle to where whilst I missed it, it didn't consumer me.

I don't think you're weird at all and it's far more common than you think. I enjoy casual sex and even then, I was celibate for almost a decade so don't think you have to do something about it if you're not feeling it.

I've had a bf for just over a year and my sex drive has come back with a vengeance so when you're finally able to get a bit more freedom from your current responsibilities, I hope you're able to find that too.

Did you try online dating or to arrange something casual in that time and it didn’t work out or did you actually not try? Just thinking almost a decade is a very long time for someone with a high sex drive!

Can understand what you’re saying though, just because you could go out and get sex quite easily doesn’t mean that that’s what you want to do, it’s not for everyone.

I’m mid 30s, had been 2+ years of celibacy for me. Then slept with a friend, which was lovely, but felt terrible about it afterwards so that’s out.

Not sure I can handle a relationship but I can’t handle FWB either. I really, really miss it though. Not sure what the answer is!

Yes... both! I found OLD just unpleasant. It was either much much older men or very very young men who matched or contacted me. Same when out - that, or married!

And it's that quote - "just because you could go out and get sex easily" - uhm, no... I couldn't.. that was my whole point and this makes me cross and makes people like the OP think they're weird for choosing not to have sex with just anyone!

I'm presuming from your username that you're male and, as mentioned in my original post, there is some sort of assumption that women can just snap their fingers and get laid! It's genuinely NOT that simple or easy - I like casual sex, I don't need feelings or a 'future' to get into bed with anyone but I do need attraction so not just any man will do... Apologies if you are a woman but this is so cliche!

I'm sort of the same OP. 29 and a lone parent and went 4 years with nothing, I started seeing an old friend briefly for about 3 months and he was so lovely but it just didn't work out and now back to celibacy. Its not just the sex i miss but just having another adult around and someone to do things with