Long-term user & NC for this.
Just need somewhere to off load and work through my thoughts just now. Over the past few years I have accumulated quite a bit of debt. DH knew nothing about this, this morning I sent him a message telling him the whole situation, it was long (I don't communicate well verbally, get flustered, struggle to find the right words and just clam up) I can't keep burying my head in the sand and avoiding dealing with it, I've been losing sleep and having suicidal thoughts so decided I had to start turning things around before I acted on any of the thoughts. I haven't told him my thoughts just the financial situation I'm in.
I also told him I was worried about how much or should I say how often I drink. I normally have 2-3 glasses of wine a night, every night.
I expected him to be angry and shocked, probably upset I didn't speak to him about it before now etc. I also half expect him to ask me to leave for not being honest and allowing myself to get into such a mess financially.
I thought I would have felt relief that I had told him, but I don't instead all I can think about is harming myself. I think the shame and embarrassment will be driving my thoughts. Like I need to punish myself.
I could've posted this on the money or alcohol board too so sorry if this is the wrong place.
How do I change things, i thought this would've been a start but it certainly doesn't feel like it? How do I change me for the better? He's so debt adverse and will be reeling just now. I think I've hit my peak low if that makes sense.