Am I overthinking this?

[FloydPink]

So, 6 months into a new relationship (first serious one after 20+ years), I am feeling very unsure of things.

Background - had an instant attraction and we fit very well, similar views on life, morals but some nice differences too. Took things pretty fast like going away together, meeting others kids etc... seeing each other a lot, 3-5 days a week, staying over at each others etc...

All was fine till about a week ago. We had spent a lot of Xmas together (her kids were over a few times for meals), she even spent Xmas Day night at mine even though her kids had gone back to hers from their dads (they are old enough). We probably last had sex before Christmas though.

She has been a bit down this last week. Quite emotional (not really with me), but feeling withdrawn and grumpy, not feeling social. Preferring to sit at home in the evening in PJs. Messages between us are fine, kisses, and nice comments as well as day to day chat. She has said she hasn't spoke to her Mum & Dad for a week as she can't be bothered (not common). Saw each other a couple of times this week but didnt stay over as tired and not feeling like it. Today was round and snuggled watching a box set. But when planning Tuesday she again said she didnt want to stay over. She feels not interested in sex (49) and has said she doesn't like me touching her "wobbly tummy" (her words not mine, even though I think its adorable.

Some things (for me) just point to SAD or just having a low moment, but there is a bit of me (paranoia) that thinks she is drifting away and just doesn't want to let me down?

I pushed her a little today onto what is wrong and she "didnt know". I just dont know how much to push... just leave her and ignore it, or to keep probing and pushing about things between us? She did come off the pill in Nov, having only been on it since Sept so not long, could it be a factor? I just want to be there for her but also am (selfishly) feeling pretty upset?

Could just be the January blues. The festive period takes a lot out of you socially, so maybe she just needs to withdraw for a bit and have a break?

It could also be that she's drifting apart and reconsidering the relationship, though I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. In any case pushing won't help. It seems obvious she needs space at the moment.

Christmas can be pretty stressful for people and it sounds like she is going through a bit of a depression probably triggered by being out of a routine, high Christmas expectations etc. Hopefully she'll come out of slowly as the new year picks up.
If it was just her overthinking the relationship, she wouldn't necessarily not want to contact her family. That fact makes it sound more like depression in all aspects of life at the moment.
I would just be reassuring and let her know you're there and care and be a listening ear if she needs to have a shoulder to cry on. Don't try to fix her, just reassure her and boost her confidence and self image a bit if it is low.

Has she recently started any hormonal contraception?

I felt so down and depressed a couple of weeks after starting the mini pill. I had to stop after 6 weeks. I felt nothing for life or my partner.

Think I am overthinking it. She did go on the pill in Aug and came off in Nov as it wasn't working. Just trying to get the balance right of being there but not in her face!

I think she needs space to relax and just be, after the stress of the holiday season. It's quite normal. Leave her alone to do her things and sort everything out, then be there with love and acceptance.

Give it a week. It also depends where she is on her cycle that will (reasonably) affect her mood.

Going through perimenopause myself and it's horrendous! Is it possible she is feeling peri or full blown menopausal symptoms? They are not fun and really affect mood.

On a completely unrelated note, if health is all fine you may want to look into attachment theory in relationships. Often those relationships that have great sparks and strong attraction can be a dynamic that occurs between an anxious and an avoidant type attacher. As things get closer the avoidant will do things to back away and put a guard up whilst still maintaining they are invested. Mixed signals as it were. The anxious attacher will then worry and start to act in a way to reinforce connection which can then make the avoidant behaviour worse. It might be worth looking into.