Protection/safety order (Ireland)

[gummychops]

Just looking for any personal experiences of applying for one of these.
There's a long long story... To keep it brief, I'm trying to separate from my husband. My solicitor is trying to get the ball rolling. She has issued proceedings with the court & these have been served on him, but he has not cooperated so far. Solicitor will move through the various legal processes as necessary, but obviously this could drag on for a long time if he continues to drag his feet & cause delays at every step.
Meanwhile we are still living together with 3 young kids. He refuses to leave. It is getting harder & harder all the time. I feel he has escalated his abusive behaviour since he started receiving the legal letters, & realised I'm not bluffing.
I can give lots of examples, but there was a particularly bad blow-up between us s few days ago. I spoke to Women's Aid & the guards. The guards advised I go to court to seek a protection/safety order. I'm just not sure if that's the right thing. I guess I'm afraid of antagonising him more by bringing the law to our front door. Can anyone please advise how it has worked in practice for them. Thanks.

Bump

I'm not in Ireland so don't fully understand their legal system and I know it is different go englands but for the safety of you and your family you should do whatever you can to get him out of the house.

I hope you're okay OP x

Hi op I'm in Dublin and have experience of this

Are you in Dublin?

Hi OP, I hope you're doing ok.

Are you being legally aided? Your legal aid solicitor will help with this if you are. But in general it's a good idea, if for no other reason than to create a court paper trail for when you get to issues like custody, access and maintenance.

From a safety point of view, it makes it easier for the guards to protect you if something else happens.

Thanks for the replies. I am in Dublin. It's Dolphin House I need to go to, & apparently there will be people there (Women's Aid possibly) who can help me through the process.

I just don't know whether I should go down the avenue of guards being involved. Will that ultimately make him dig his heels in further & just exacerbate the whole situation even more? Will he feel like I've crossed the line & all bets are off & the whole thing will turn into a total dogfight?? 😫

It doesn't sound like he is going to be cooperative no matter what you do, do you might as well decide not to rely on his good behaviour and look outside to get as much help as you can.

He is refusing to leave and being abusive. I don't know how much worse he can be?

Firstly, you don't need a solicitor to apply for it. Just walk into Dolphin House any day court is sitting and there is usually a rep from women's aid who will help you fill out the information sheet and put before the court.

Secondly, if his behaviour is escalating then it is highly advisable to get an order in place. Oftentimes once its granted, the situation tends to calm down before the hearing for the final order takes place. It would be advisable to get legal advice from the legal aid board prior to the hearing, they'd be best placed to help and offer legal services on foot of legal aid if applicable.

I fear he will turn it into a dog fight anyway as he's escalating his behaviour. The gaurds might recognise the signs and that's why they suggested an order. Get all the advice and support you need but keeping you and the kids safe is paramount. Hope you're holding up ok

Yes, you need to go to dolphin house op.

Check the website for opening times.

When you get there you'll see a room to your left, you go straight to one of the windows and briefly explain why you're there, you then take a ticket for the clerk. When you go in you can explain the situation to the clerk in more detail.

You then go up to the judge.

Once you get the protection order, you can go to the guards and give them a copy although one will be posted out.

You also give a copy to the respondent.

You will both be given another court date roughly two months from the original application where he is given the opportunity to contest it and the judge devised to make it more permanent.

It's all free.

Good luck to you.

Thanks for explaining how it all works in Dolphin House, that's really helpful.
I guess I'm wondering also about the aftermath of getting the order? What was it like when the guards showed up at the door? How did your spouse react? Did it cause him to improve his behaviour towards you or did it just throw more fuel on the fire?

I'm just not sure if it's the right thing for me to do at this point. The order when it's served on him will be on paper, right? I can already envisage him ridiculing it, screwing it up into a ball, telling me that I've made up a pack of lies to get him in trouble.... I know every situation is different, but does anyone have any experience of how their other half reacted to the police showing up at their door with a warning to behave?

I didn't have police but honestly my abusive ex backed off big time once my family found out what he was like. DM's a bit of a battle axe when she wants to be and made it clear to him that if he so much as looked sideways at me, she would be calling the guards. For him that was enough to make him fuck off, having said that we didn't have a house and kids and we weren't married so it was easier for me than it will be for you.

They are cocky when they think you are alone and under their control. And their anger shows when you start to pull away. But by showing him that the law is on your side and that you have experts at your back, it could well be enough to soften his cough as they say. He'll either meekly back off with the guards or he will kick off and you'll have the protection of the guards when he does. Either way it's a win for you.

Right now, you are in his fog. You have been conditioned to be too afraid of his reaction to put your needs first. He's trained you gradually over the years so that your only thoughts are his potential reactions - that's not normal love.

Accept that the people in Dolphin house and the people in Women's Aid know this man and this situation better than you do right now. Accept that they know what needs to be done to free you and accept their help.

You've started the process. Let others help you finish it.