Looking for advice from females (I'm a guy)

[Rugbychris]

I'm a guy in late 30s and have been seeing someone of similar age (let's call her Jane - not her real name) for about 6 months.
Jane and I knew each other for a couple of years as friends before getting together. I'm aware she had been single for about 8 years before we got together. Her previous relationship (8 years ago) was an abusive one where she was hit, threatened and made to do things (sexually) that she didn't want to. I won't go into details here but it's harrowing. She was threatened by him, so was too scared not to do whatever he said. Thankfully Jane found the strength to leave that relationship and the guy ended up behind bars. He has no idea of her whereabouts now, so thankfully she is safe.
Since getting together with Jane, I've always been mindful of the sexual abuse she suffered as his hands, so I would never in a million years try to initiate anything that she's uncomfortable with. We've had kissing and cuddling, as well as things a bit further than than (including a toy, something that she really seemed to enjoy) but haven't "done the deed". I'm not planning to bring it up, prefer to be guided by Jane when or if she feels ready.
Despite her last experience (with abusive partner), Jane seemed very comfortable with me the first time were were intimate. I expected her to freeze or something, that's why I decided to let her lead. She initiated it and we both enjoyed. A couple of days ago, Jane was saying she imagined how I'd feel inside her and similar things like that. She said hopes we can "do the deed" someday soon and I agreed that would be nice. My question to the ladies here is, how will I know when Jane is actually ready? Should I wait till she comes out and says it or is it best to have a conversation about it? I don't want to be caught unprepared (I mean from a birth control point of view). I really like Jane and would like if things can move to that level, but terrified of saying or doing anything that might be triggering for her. So far, she has been receptive to all the physical things we have done together and has enjoyed. I just want to make sure she stays comfortable and never feels pressured with me. Thanks for reading, Chris.

You sound very attuned to her needs, not sure if you need advice really, you are moving at her pace and that is perfect

You need to have a conversation, not just about when it might happen but also what she is and isn't comfortable with. It may be that certain acts are triggering by association even if done in love. I'd also consider setting up a safe word or similar just incase she gets unexpected feelings or flashbacks and want to stop midway through.

She's ready. Shes dropping big massive hints with bells on. Hell not even that, she's flat out telling you.

Smaller scare example but- I remember having a scary experience on a date (it happens sometimes unfortunately and I was shaken at the time but fine after a week or two). I mentioned it on a date a few months later just as a 'people can be creepy' passing comment. 4 looong dates later this guy hadn't made any moves at all. We really got on well but not a touch, not a hand hold, nothing. ...was it just a friend thing? I wondered. Eventually I just straight up asked him what was what and he said he'd been worried about freaking me out because of my experience. And I was like, 'what experience?'. I'd forgotten all about even mentioning it.

The point is, he was trying to be thoughtful....but I was frustrated as fuck not knowing where I stand.

(I should state that I initiated some touches and got nothing back too so...).

Now I don't want to compare that to the severity of your girlfriends experience or downplay what she went through. But it was 8 years ago. She is more that the sum of what happened to her back then. And probably feeling frustrated that it's still affecting her life now.

6 months in (and all her words) seem to indicate she is just waiting for you to initiate things. She's probably paranoid you don't fancy her! Or you've got something the matter with your willy.

If she's doing other stuff with you then I epuld have expected after the first couple of times of that, things to progress.

It's not rocket science though- start doing what you usually do and then ASK her at each stage as you go along.

She appears to be telling you what she wants. But you are clearly very sensitive to her needs. So for your own peace of mind before you go any further ask her if her comments mean that she would like to have full intercourse (I’m really not keen on your euphemism or “doing the deed” !!!).

She seems to be telling you.
When she does that again, you could gently ask her.
Really good that she’s found someone who’s very thoughtful like you.

You sound lovely OP. Keep going...

Sorry, I will reply as a man (male?). I have been in your shoes, which I might suggest others on this thread might not have been.
It can be tempting to assume that by being passive you are giving her the sex she will be comfortable with and wants. It might be what she is comfortable with, but perhaps now she is comfortable she wants you to be keen and gently assertive.
You know better on here and I understand your discomfort. Please, consider, how much is your discomfort driving your reticence and how much is actually thinking of her wants.
It is a difficult balance. Good luck. (And you are better qualified to judge than anyone on here).

Just ask what she wants and what she enjoys and what she's most comfortable with, let her know you would like to and that you're conscious about her needs. That's it. No need for an elaborate dance around it :)

She said she’s been imaging how you’d feel inside her?

She wants you!

Ask her! But she's already given you a pretty big hint!

She's ready. Shes dropping big massive hints with bells on. Hell not even that, she's flat out telling you

Like a flashing sign man.