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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Talk me down...

7 replies

InAMess2023 · 07/01/2024 15:37

Let me preface by saying I have ASD, im a massive worrier and an over thinker. I know I am. Im trying to deal with it and partly why im spilling this out here rather than anything else...

Had two dates with the most amazing man. Like genuinely. He ticks all of my boxes and more. He's been working away (3 hours away) at the moment but had planned to come back today, go for dinner and a few drinks at my place. Means he'd have had to stay but I made it clear nothing was happening and then I got my period anyway.

Heard from him this morning 6am and he said he'd be back around 2 I said ok. Next thing he's suddenly got a sickness bug and can't travel! Obviously I'm disappointed - and struggling with the change of plan - but sent a supportive reply oh no hope you're ok etc. which he still hasn't read.

It's niggling me though that he didn't say he'd been sick, felt ill etc it was all of a sudden a bug. We had a misunderstanding about a message last night (something I'd had from someone else) but I thought it had been cleared up, especially as after then he told me he thinks I'm beautiful inside and out and really cares for me...

I just worry he's making an excuse not to see me. I don't know if I am overthinking and worrying as usual or if my intuition needs to be trusted here...

As always apologies for the ramblings!

OP posts:
Newlydivorcedyay · 07/01/2024 15:39

Trust your intuition

TubbyTumx · 07/01/2024 15:43

Trust your instincts. Plus 2 dates is too early to be having “misunderstandings” or to know whether he’s “the most wonderful man”.

SamW98 · 07/01/2024 15:48

Hmm a man saying you’re beautiful inside and out and that he really cares for you after two dates would be a massive red flag for me and then he cancels at short notice.

Can I ask did you meet him online? If so, my first instinct would be he’s had another offer today if I’m being really honest.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2024 16:01

Trust your instincts. I think when you clarified that you wouldn't be having sex with him and then he cancelled meeting you, that tells you everything.

MMmomDD · 07/01/2024 16:10

Way too early to make any conclusions. You need more data points.
And it’s only been two dates - so no massive investment on your side.
And of course a bug can come up suddenly.

Don’t get over-invested at this early stage. See how it goes from now on.

Aprilx · 07/01/2024 16:11

I would be a bit sceptical about the cancellation once he realised sex was off the cards, but I might be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt once.

What is more concerning is that two dates in you have already had a misunderstanding and you both seem a bit over the top after meeting just twice, him with the beautiful in and out comment and you with him being amazing and ticking every box.

NotYourBrain · 07/01/2024 16:13

Be cynical, but give it a bit longer because a sick bug can creep up on you and he might not be answering texts because he's busy making calls on the porcelain telephone...

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