Not sure how I feel anymore

[Ladybugbug]

Need to just vent really and any advice would be a bonus. I can't talk to anyone in my life about it and it's the only thing I've been able to think about for about two months

I've been with DH for 8 years and have one DC. He's done nothing bad. I'm just not certain if I want to be with him anymore. I don't even know if I love him like I did. I don't know what's normal after 8 years? I know it's not going to be all rainbows and butterflies but I just don't feel much at all. I'm not sure if I'm attracted to him anymore. He's a great dad but annoys me around the house and little things he does just irritate me ALL the time (more than what's probably normal)

The thing that's making this difficult is I've become closer to a male friend/colleague recently and we talk most days. Just innocent talk about stuff but I often find myself fantasising about him in ways I shouldn't (!) and I get excited to talk to him - more excited than I get when I see or speak to DH. DH kind of bores me now, we don't have much of any interest to say to each other anymore. I know that sounds mean but it's just how I feel. Myself and make friend have loads more in common than me and DH.

I'm not sure if male friend is clouding my judgement of DH as the confusion about DH has intensified since talking more to male friend but I have had these feelings about DH for a while (the questioning of love, the wondering if I want to be with him forever). Just more now that a different man is in my life.

I don't know what to do or how to move forward because I genuinely don't know how I feel. I don't know which feelings are real and which feelings I should explore more.

Sorry this is all a bit of a ramble. I'm just mentally exhausted and tired of feeling like this!

I think it’s natural for all marriages to go through some dry and boring spells. It’s also natural to develop crushes on other people whilst in a committed relationship but it depends what you want from it all.

If you want your marriage to work then I think you need to inject some fun and spontaneity back into it. Take turns to plan date nights. Have nights with no distractions- phones etc. Talk to dh about how you’re feeling and try work through it all together.

I do think the other guy is closing your judgment but I also think you’re investing more time and effort into him than your marriage.

If you want something to happen with this guy then end your marriage.
If you don’t then remind yourself it’s a crush and try distance yourself. Stop chatting so much to him and focus on putting that time into your family.

I hear you OP, went through similar with my LTP of 10 years. I knew something wasn't right, I didn't fancy him and rarely wanted sex with him, he was starting to really exhaust me.
I then too got close to a guy at work, the first time I had so much as even looked at another man in that way since I got together with exDP, it was the catalyst for me to really see what I wanted and it wasn't my DP. I left him and he was devastated but I couldn't just pretend it was all ok any more.

It's either recognise you're not happy and work through it with your DH or leave him and work on yourself and your own life.

The option of having more with the OM while your still with DH is not an option you want to choose, it'll make it all much worse

I think if you cut ties with the OM and look for a new job it will give you a chance to see if it’s dh you want to be with as with this exiting new man around you’re not giving it a fair chance as the grass is always going to seem greener. Long term relationships are really hard work and boring a lot of the time - sorry that’s the truth (been married 15 years, second marriage for me, first one lasted 4 years). For your child’s sake and if things are generally good I think you owe it to yourself and the family to forget about the other man and try and save it.

I've been in this exact situation. It's hard not really knowing what you want or how to figure it out. Could you find a way to have a few days away from your partner? To think and clear your head? That's what I did and it allowed me to really think about what I wanted and who I wanted to be with. I made the decision to end things with my (now) ex.

please dont have an affair (emotional or otherwise), i did this when married and it was the worst thing i have ever done. it hurt my husband terribly when i told him, and i couldnt make the decision to leave for months which massively affected the way i felt about myself, and also hurt the other man. personally i had to eventually leave my marriage as i knew i didnt love dh as much as he loved me, but it took months and i lost stones in weight and my MH went down the drain in the fog of the affair and grieving my marriage with an ok husband. however we had no kids together (i have one from a prev r'ship) and no mortgage etc so it may have been cleaner than your situation.