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Relationships

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Moving out of friendzone

11 replies

Singlepringle1980 · 07/01/2024 11:00

I met a guy a few years back when I began OLD - at the time I wrote him off because he’d fibbed about his height and there wasn’t an instant physical attraction. We stayed in touch and would chat often as had lots in common. Both of us have been involved with other people and would use each other as a sounding board if we needed relationship advice. It’s been several years and I feel like we know each other really well. We both recently became single and have been out as friends a few times. He has made it clear he’d like more and we joke about it. I’m realising he has a lot of the qualities I now know I want in a partner (after lots of awful dates/short term relationships I’ve learnt a lot - when we initially met I was a bit clueless) I am now finding myself attracted to him and find myself thinking about him constantly. However I really value his friendship and given my track record with relationships I worry that if it didn’t work out I’d lose a great mate. What would you do? Is it too risky to try? Part of me thinks what if he is my person and I’m missing the chance for happiness. Has anyone had something similar - interested to know how it turned out….

OP posts:
BBKP · 07/01/2024 11:34

If you know that he likes you in that way also and there are feelings there on your side then realistically how would the friendship survive if you were in relationships with other people?
You may as well go for it now.

DRS1970 · 07/01/2024 11:38

Yes, you could be causing the end of friendship by dating him seriously. But by dating him you may be starting the biggest and most important friendship of them all. So I personally think it has to be worth taking a risk. GL

Singlepringle1980 · 07/01/2024 11:46

I’ve never really had a good male friend before - so I’m wary of losing that & also wondering if I’m only having feelings because there’s no-one else in the picture. I think I’d be upset if he were to meet someone else now which tells me something….but we’ve both said we’re having a break from dating. Maybe a couple more nights out might make things clearer. I’m rubbish at this stuff so really appreciate your responses!

OP posts:
Singlepringle1980 · 07/01/2024 11:50

I wasn’t emotionally close to previous partners which I know sounds weird & my female friends have always been the people I turned to for support so I’ve never understood people who described their OH as their best friend but with him I could see how that is possible.

OP posts:
Thatsthebottomline · 07/01/2024 14:03

It’s a difficult decision, but I’d probably not risk a freindship over this,

Poplolly · 07/01/2024 15:15

I decided to give things so with a friend of a few years. I ended the relationship as he was emotionally unavailable. We went back to being friends no problem, this is because we are both good at drawing lines and sticking to them, plus he wasn’t the Kind to keep trying it on. I think being able to separate things plays a big part in it. However, when I meet someone else I’m not sure how that would play out and realistically would probably drift apart.

Singlepringle1980 · 07/01/2024 15:37

Poplolly · 07/01/2024 15:15

I decided to give things so with a friend of a few years. I ended the relationship as he was emotionally unavailable. We went back to being friends no problem, this is because we are both good at drawing lines and sticking to them, plus he wasn’t the Kind to keep trying it on. I think being able to separate things plays a big part in it. However, when I meet someone else I’m not sure how that would play out and realistically would probably drift apart.

Good advice about drawing lines. I think I have a good sense of how he is on an emotional level - I’ve seen how he has dealt with other relationships over the years but I suppose you never really know both sides of a story until you’re in it yourself. I think we need a long chat about how we both feel and whether we can see it progressing on another level or if it’s too big a risk.

OP posts:
Poplolly · 07/01/2024 16:46

Yes definitely talk with him, that will give you a much better idea. After all, if he can’t allow you to share your concerns and talk about openly to consider the pros and cons honestly and realistically then it’s not going to work anyway. It’s a good starting point with out committing anything.

Singlepringle1980 · 24/05/2024 23:59

Just came back to update. Sadly things didn’t work out but we’ve stayed friends - no major issue just realised we both need our own space and felt a weird pressure as a “couple”. Neither of us wants to date again for a while but have a pact to share a room in a nursing home if we are still single in 30 years time!

OP posts:
DeeCee7 · 25/05/2024 04:15

That's cool your still friends though.

The friendship is made to last given you can overcome a split.

Poplolly · 26/05/2024 10:29

Sorry things didn’t work out but that’s great that you’ve been able to stay friends. The fact you have a pact whether it comes true or not says you’re still close if not closer. And you got to give it a go. Happy days!

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