I started reading Mumsnet when I was pregnant and in an abusive relationship. I’d like to share some of my story in the hope it helps someone else find strength.
I read so many posts about abusive relationships. Women asking if they are being abused, asking how to cope, how to leave… how to build a life afterwards.
For 12 years I lived a life that now seems like someone else’s. My normal was being threatened or being given the silent treatment. It was working hard to have my money taken from me for drugs, alcohol and gambling. My belongings were destroyed, walls kicked and punched. Glass thrown at me. I was locked in my home. I had no safe space. I accepted the feeling of dread and panic.
I also felt a huge sense of responsibility and empathy. He was someone I had loved. He showed signs of desperation that I translated to him needing me. I thought I could save him. He overdosed, self harmed, put himself in other dangerous situations. I thought I was his guardian. That it was my purpose to keep him alive.
It was not. It took me 12 years to realise this. I am lucky. I had friends and family who never left my side. But, none of them could make a decision for me.
I am now over 3 years free. A brave decision I have never regretted. I took a financial hit. I was a single parent. I had to hand over my baby every week to a man I didn’t trust because he is the father. I had to establish a life again.
Now I come home and relax. I am in a healthy, loving relationship. If you think you can’t leave- you can. You can have a better life. Don’t waste another day. Make a plan.
I still have the occasional nightmare but I’m not living one anymore.