Has anyone left their long term dh/dp and found their soulmate?

[SecondChancesAtLife]

I’ve namechanged for this.

Ive posted several times about my dh who I am very unhappy with and have been told to leave as he is abusive in several ways. No one in RL knows much apart from my dm and people would probably be really shocked if we split.

I met someone a while back who I honestly think could be my soulmate. I’ve never even believed in such a thing before. It isn’t just attraction, it’s a really deep connection. He is different to my dh in every way. He’s romantic, caring and warm. I feel like if we were together life would be pretty damn perfect, though I know this is silly. No relationship is perfect.

If I hadn’t met my dh I wouldn’t have my dcs but apart from that I wish I’d never met him. He’s emotionally retarded, lacks empathy, we have nothing in common. I have complete checked out but am trying to appear normal whilst I figure out what to do. I don’t think he has any idea even though I’ve told him in the past I’m v unhappy and when he’s done certain things I’ve asked him to leave (he always refuses)

I stopped seeing OM as I don’t want to leave dh with the pressure of then trying to make another relationship work hanging over either of us. I know I need to be ok with being on my own.

But it’s so hard. I think about him all the time, I know I would only have to call him and he’d come running.

Has anyone out there been in an unhappy marriage that seemed impossible to get out of and gone on to be very happy with someone who is so right for them? Whether they met after the first relationship had ended or they overlapped in some way?
Defying the odds kind of thing? If so, What challenges did you face?

I don’t want any judgement, I am in despair and need some stories of hope.
I feel like I have been given a glimpse of what the kind of relationship I’ve always dreamt of could be like 😢

I'm sorry but I think the situation you're in is making you view this man through rose tinted spectacles. It happens a lot in DV situations when someone desperately wants a rescuer.

Yes, I have. ExH was emotionally and financially neglectful due to his ND needs. I couldn't cope in a loveless marriage anymore so I ended it 4 years ago. A year later, I randomly met my now DH and we are so incredibly in love. He is my everything and I genuinely feel sorry for the old me as she didn't know a love like this could exist.

Yes. I left my ExH after 19 years together. 6 months later I met my now husband who is literally my perfect partner and other half in every sense of the word. We have such a deep connection, I genuinely thought love this this only existed in films

Don't leave for another man. If you're going to leave, do for yourself.
The question that you need to ask yourself is, if you never saw OM again, would you be happier with DH or on your own? It may never work out with OM. So you need to take that out of your decision making.

Emotionally retarded? What vile language.

I left a long term abusive relationship for someone who swept me off my feet… I thought he was rescuing me and he turned out to be abusive in a different way. We ended up with a child together, I was financially reliant on him, I had step children who relied on me etc and then I had a chance encounter with someone who treated me with respect, courtesy, kindness etc and I realised that’s how I wanted to be treated, I didn’t want my children to see my partner treating me the way he had been and think it’s normal. I left him and he used money and the step kids and custody with our child to manipulate me and also make me suffer for leaving. Many years later I am married to that man who showed me how I should be treated, he treats my child as his own, we have children together and we are very happy. All of them showed me who they were from a few weeks in, I was so desperate for love I ignored warning signs and red flags that the first two men showed.
Leave for yourself, you deserve more. Then go from there :)

Yes I don’t disagree with you.

Thats a hard question to answer though as the truth is I don’t know if I’d be happier. The thought of being in the house alone with my dcs makes me very happy. When he isn’t here I feel like everything is calmer, nicer. I feel free.

But financially it will be very hard and I doubt he will play fair in a divorce. How can I know what’s the right thing to do?

Most of the time I just stay out of his way and it’s calm and everything’s fine. We don’t even argue any more bc I’ve realised there’s no point raising any issues with him as nothing ever changes and I just upset myself.

Im practically mute nowadays.

Thankyou for the positive stories, they are heartening to read.

WhamBamThankU

Oh sorry, yes you’re right - how do I edit?

It seems the question to ask yourself is, if you leave and things don't work out with the OM, would you still be happy you left? From what you've said it would appear the answer is yes, in which case what have you got to lose?

I did. I also posted about it online and got flamed terribly 😂
I was with my abusive ex for 15 years and fell in love with someone else. We admitted how we felt to each other, I left my ex and we took things very slowly.
I can honestly say, almost six years later...we are happily married and I sometimes still feel overwhelmed by how amazing I feel compared to my old life.
I can't say whether or not it will work for you, but I can say it's not worth the years to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. You deserve so much more.

I've posted on another thread about my MIL and behaviour being a language.
I've completely changed my life.
Is the new person my soulmate - I'm not sure.
Is it different yes, is it nicer, gentler, more everything oh yes.
He's currently got a head cold - and sneezing his way through The Towering Inferno - I'm very happy.

Same as @Coconutts and @Kitkatcha1 here.

Couldn't be happier with a tremendous man who feels like my twin.

Split from my kids' dad 6 years ago now after many years of him being and irritable, opinionated, emotionally abusive sod. I had no idea we didn't have a good marriage which sounds so weird until he left then it was instantly brilliant. Our tense house became happy and relaxed overnight. I put myself and the kids first, loads of promiscuous dating with a few to having fun then met my brilliant partner who was not long divorced.

I left a 10 year relationship where I had 2 kids and 2 businesses (DV)

Three years later, I met the love of my life, together 9 years and married 3 years.

Couldn't be happier, he just the most wonderful, kind, dedicated, sweet, funny man and I love every second I spend with him.

We met through social media and it was like a lightning bolt when we met up in person.

I have. My DP at the time wasn't abusive but I knew he wasn't right for me. I didn't have a physical affair but it was an emotional one and I knew DH was my soul mate. No children involved.

We're happily married and in love fifteen years later so it worked out for us but I'm aware I'm in the minority and a lot of jumping ship in relationships is with the use of rose tinted glasses.

OP, if you need to leave your abusive husband, then do it.
BUT. Please be aware that there is no such thing as a "soulmate". We do not live our lives in Hollywood movies.
You leave to have a good life on your own. Maybe you will meet another partner in future, but don't kid yourself.