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Original poster

Why would an ex do this?

21 replies

GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 18:05

What would my ex hope to achieve by telling me he loves me out of the blue years after we split? Can someone “love you” yet treat you / their children badly? I don’t understand why he told me he loves me when we’ve been broken up years? He also bought me a book and told me it’s important that I read it because it’s a “good book” personally I read a few pages but didn’t really agree with it, what was this about? (The secret) trying to understand his thought process!

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 06/01/2024 18:11

Reeling you in again.

Who cares why? The only question is whether you want to be reeled in

It is not remotely important to do something just because he says so.

Onlylonelyontheinside · 06/01/2024 18:32

Trying to mess with your head…. Best ignored and put it out of your mind…

Hatty65 · 06/01/2024 18:47

Attention.

It's generally why anyone does stuff. Don't give it to him. He's your ex for a reason.

Original poster
GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 20:22

I don’t know why he would want attention we barely speak at all. He broke up with me not the other way.

OP posts:
samestyle · 06/01/2024 20:27

Lonely and feeling sorry for himself, probably reminiscing that the grass wasn't greener after all.

Quiregirl · 06/01/2024 20:29

He's broken up with his current partner and is feeling sad/vulnerable/nostalgic/unloved and wants you to massage his ego.

C1N1C · 06/01/2024 20:31

Quiregirl · 06/01/2024 20:29

He's broken up with his current partner and is feeling sad/vulnerable/nostalgic/unloved and wants you to massage his ego.

This

Original poster
GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 20:32

Says he hasn’t been with anyone else since

OP posts:
Redrose23 · 07/01/2024 01:26

I really wouldn’t give this much thought- him saying he’s not been with anyone else, a lot of men lie about this kind of thing thinking it makes stuff more meaningful. It would be meaningful if it were true, but with 99.9% of men, unless they can’t get any, it’s highly unlikely.

Gingernaut · 07/01/2024 01:33

GaroTheMushroom · 06/01/2024 20:32

Says he hasn’t been with anyone else since

If true, it means no one else has fallen for his bullshit and he's lonely

You fell for it before, so it's worth trying again

Fraaahnces · 07/01/2024 01:34

He wants a shag. He assumes you’re a sure thing. Don’t fall for it.

Starseeking · 07/01/2024 01:38

He's getting older/feeling lonely/sorry for himself, and realises the good that he threw away.

None of the above will change who he is as a person; he's your EX for a reason, let him stay there.

Lurkingandlearning · 07/01/2024 02:01

That book might have a lot to do with it. I was given a copy years ago and thought it was weird. Then more recently when I was in hospital on a drip and a bit high on pain killers a health care assistant showed me a copy and was quietly insistent I should read it. She was a bit furtive and Probably shouldn’t have been pushing the book at work . Maybe your husband has “seen the light” or whatever it is about that book that inspires weirdness in some people

Original poster
GaroTheMushroom · 07/01/2024 02:10

Thank you yes I think the book has some significance to this that people are missing I’m not sure what it is as I couldn’t read it all as I just found it quite silly and got annoyed reading it but he bought it for me as an Xmas present (not this year last year) and said it’s a really great book and I really need to read it, he has never ever bought me an Xmas present since we split not even “from the kids” nor a birthday present so it was very much out of the blue but he was very insistent that I need to read it so I wondered if anyone that knew the book knew why he was making me read this book. He asked me if I had it or ever read it and told me he will be buying it for me for Xmas but I felt like he was saying I’m too negative and need to be more positive but I’m only negative (towards him) because of how he treats the children, if he was a better father I wouldn’t be so negative. The love thing was more recently and said a few months ago but it’s baffled me what his game is and I wondered back to the book and what he was trying to say when he bought me it.

OP posts:
MamaMode · 07/01/2024 03:08

I've schimmed the book many years ago. It's all about law of attraction and calling in what you want into your life. Sort of a 'self help / woo woo'
Unsure how your ex feels that's relevant to you and him (especially as he was one one who ended things), but some people when they find something new and feel it's given them answers or a justification for their behaviour, they expect that everyone will have the same experience or see it in the same light. So whatever that books done for him, I'm guessing he thinks you will appreciate it in the same way as him.

AuntieStella · 07/01/2024 08:00

There's an awful lot of this sort of crap about because it's New Year and people get wistful about the past, and seek a fresh start.

You do not have to co-operate with his efforts. He can manifest away all he likes, you don't have to do anything for him. He's history, and the less time you spend trying to understand him the better.

Obviously you need to be polite at all times, for the benefit of the DC, and cordial/superficially friendly. But your communication should remain focussed on how to co-parent amicably. He's your ex, not your adviser/therapist

yellowsmileyface · 07/01/2024 10:25

I hate The Secret with a passion. It's a pile of rubbish and it's essence is very victim blaming.. "oh, you've got cancer? Well it's your fault for having negative thoughts sometimes!" (I'm paraphrasing of course but that's basically the message).

It does feel potentially quite manipulative to give you that book. Like he's trying to blame you for the breakdown of the relationship for being "too negative", or perhaps trying to prime you to be more open to giving him another chance because not doing so is the "negative" thing to do. I'm not sure exactly his intentions with it but it does feel quite manipulative.

Original poster
GaroTheMushroom · 07/01/2024 20:50

yeah I felt the book was a bit of a dig tbh it kind of felt like he was telling me my life was the way it was because I wasn’t positive enough and basically placing the blame for things that happened on me not being positive enough. But weirdly I spoke about it on a single parents group and they all felt it was a nice gesture and he was being kind and it was a great book!

OP posts:
Mother87 · 07/01/2024 20:53

Wants a shag. Will reel you in playing on "nostalgia" & sentimentality. He may get his shag. He'll then be "confused" about his feelings & foookorf. Or come back & behave the way he did to make you leave him. Just guessing.

Agree. Men/people sometimes lie about what they've been doing "inbetween" if it strengthens their plausability

Original poster
GaroTheMushroom · 07/01/2024 21:30

he may be lying but I’ve also not been with anyone since

OP posts:
Catladyireland · 07/01/2024 21:33

He's lonely and he wants attention. Probably misses the attention of you.

People have a habit of reaching out to heal themselves after a break up or they've simply been rejected. Wouldn't surprise me if that's why.

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