The first thing he says when he wakes up..

[Ignoranceisbliss22]

So he either wakes up grumpy and silent even if he has had lots of sleep so I leave him to it but if I am using my phone the first thing he says is who were you or are you texting or what you doing. No morning no nothing ever!!! We have a 1 year old so not even how has your morning been with him nothing just that bullshit and I’ll have to point my phone towards him so he knows

...as in, he's hinting he thinks you're a texting another man? Well probably long past time to leave this relationship if that's the case. Ps: he's probably also cheating on you as cheats get paranoid.

When he next asks, ask him why he wants to know. If he says, or alludes to, you texting another man, ask him 'Seriously, don't you trust me? Any why?

Don't show him your phone. That's just pandering to his ridiculous expectations.

Why on earth are you putting up with this shit?

Why are you with this man?. Consider your future as well as your child’s in this relationship now because there really is not one. His controlling behaviour towards you is abusive so his problem and not at all of your making. This man wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making. He’s got way more power and control in this relationship than you so do not hand over any more than you already have done. Certainly do not show him your phone.

What is he like with you day to day?. He’s probably all sweetness and light to those in the outside world but not to you.

What is he like if for instance you go out on your own with friends for an evening out?. Or do you not bother anymore because of the hassle he gives you both before and after the event?.

Controlling boring bullshit abuse OP.

I don’t, I don’t go anywhere. I don’t even go to my mums because his made accusations so just to save the hassle. He now encourages it but only a month ago he mentioned oh I don’t know what you were up to you used to stayed at your mums early this year to discuss “holidays” (2023) this was a night he text me and said if it makes you happy stay at your mums tonight as I wasn’t staying because of accusations and he insisted and so I did but almost 8/9 months later he brought it up and said oh you stayed at your mums so I don’t know what you were doing bearing in mind location was on and I remained in contact with him

You know you're in a controlling relationship, don't you?

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

There are unwritten conditions to you going out and he will make you pay for any imagined transgressions.

There is indeed no good future for you or your child if you remain with this man. Your relationship with him is over anyway because of the abuse he meets out to you.

Read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft, your man here is in those pages.

Do not go to any joint counselling sessions with him. Joint counselling is never recommended where there is abuse of any type within the relationship.

You need to plan your exit from him with due care and attention.

The silent and grumpy get that I’ve 2 like that in my house

asking about the phone what would happen if you didn’t show him
did he ask to see or did you automatically do it

I now automatically do that because if I don’t he asks to see. He has caught me previously posting on a forum about how he has treated me then got annoyed and said I painted him out to be abusive but his not?

And I’ve become so quiet like I am at the point I don’t know how to speak to him even if it is to end it I just stay silent and anxious majority of the time

Are you happy with this strange life OP? Because it’s not compulsory to stay in relationships that don’t make you happy. There’s no law that says you have to stay.

Of course he would tell you he is not abusive, he’s not going to turn around and say you are correct is he?. He never wants you to think you are right because you’re there to be his house elf and oversee all the childcare.

And yes, he is abusive towards you so your relationship to him is over.

if you remain silent and anxious your child will pick up on this and will behave similarly.

What is the situation here re the finances and property?. Are you married to this man?

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what is he/she learning here? I could ask the same of you, what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Your boundaries, perhaps already skewed by poor relationships and or life experiences, are indeed being further got at by this man now.

Where is your support in real life here, is your mother helpful?. I would also contact Women’s Aid when he is out.

Keep posting here too.

Please don't raise your child in this horrible, toxic environment. Your partner is an abuser, end of.

I say leave right now and go to your mother's. Permanently.

He is abusive though @Ignoranceisbliss22 .

You can't keep living like this.

Please do not allow you son to grow up to be his father. To stop that you have to leave now.

No one gets angrier than an abuser being called out on their abuse :/

Look at it this way though op, this relationship is making you miserable. So why stay? Lifes too short for that bs.

You don't have to prove yo your abuser he is abusive in order to leave btw. And heads up, he KNOWS he is. He just pretends 'you're crazy' to think that. Because that's how abusers get you to stay. Secret number 2 he actually doesn't want you to know - he doesn't even really believe you are cheating. It's just another tactic to get you to fixate on proving your innocence/loyalty/goodness ect... rather than realising he is the problem. It also, separates you from your support network of friends and family.

Its a trap.
He knows you dont cheat. He knows he is abusive. But he will never admit these things.

You are telling a lion that it's a lion. It fucking knows its a lion! Stop telling it and ruuuuuuun!

Don't raise your child seeing their mother miserable and trapped and abused.
Also know your worth. You deserve to live a happy life. You'll never have that if you stay with him. Anyone can leave a relationship for any reason. Or even, for no reason at all. You don't have to justify it or get permission. It's your life!

Oh god op he’s abusive. Tell your mum and just leave him, this will never ever get better. Stop showing him your phone, you’re giving him power.
For the record, first thing my husband says every morning is “how’s my beautiful wife, tea?” 🥲

He is abusive. Leave. You and your child do not have to put up with this and deserve better.

I’m scared. I’m scared to say the words to him as he is unhinged and I think to say it to him so many times but then I stop. I genuinely think this man will kill me as once it’s done here he has nothing left to lose