I am in such a rut and need advice. I am sorry for the rant but I feel I need to give the full context for anyone to be able to advise. I am a first time mum, my little girl is 1 in a few days. I LOVE being her mum and have whole heartedly thrown myself into motherhood. To give you a bit of background on my situation. I’ve been martiee for four years, been with my husband for almost 15 he’s a great hearted man but we have been arguing so much since having our girl. Mostly over the same things and I believe all of it boils down to being tired, limited support, stressed and just over our heads.
Firstly: I’ve breastfed her exclusively since she was born and still feed her on demand and to sleep, we both enjoy it and she’s very attached to me. Always been a high needs baby until now very clingy and just wants me all the time. I have no family and He doesn’t have much family either, so I don’t have support or a “village” to help me with my little one it’s just us day in and day out. Hubby works 4 days a week about 38 hours all up. I have launched a business when I had my baby (it’s doing quite well and has allowed to bring in the same money as I would on Matt leave and more) I work 5-10 hours a week on site with clients and then have sacrificed what little sleep I have each night to do the hours of computer work when everyone is asleep. I then fed baby when she needs it. I’ve never asked my husband to feed her at night. She sleeps in our room and does co sleep sometimes in our bed and she isn’t the best sleeper.
my husband wakes early before work to excercise and also takes a few hours on his days off at the gym and going to the barber etc. He also has a friends night once a week. I have zero time for excercise, I try sometimes at like midnight after I work and before I shower for bed but it’s too tiring. I can’t leave baby at night so haven’t left the house at night in a year and I can count on a few fingers when I have left hubby and baby to do anything social even in the day since she was born. My husband will look after baby when I want to do nails which is fortnightly and I have done my hair maybe 4 or 5 times this year but that’s it. I feel he has a much more relaxed life than me and he can do a lot more within his week than I can.
I cook most nights home made meals, he also cooks sometimes if I ask he will happily make a meal for us. I do the groceries and hubby will also help with this when we need stuff. We have a cleaner who comes fortnightly and I do all the household cleaning in between her visits which is still constant. I do all the appts for baby, her classes and anything else. Hubby will come home shower eat and relax I don’t even often ask him to watch baby whilst I shower I wait and do it when everyone is asleep.
My husband is happy to help around the house and with baby but we bicker when it comes to time management, trying to priorities our weekends and who does what. I feel like we both mean well but he really truly doesn’t understand how much I take on my plate and he’s also not fully wrapping his head around What I need from him and what he SHOULD be doing. He says he’s tired, he says he finds it hard to watch the baby when I work or am away and I’ve had to correct him numerous times and remind him that it’s his job as a parent and he isn’t doing me any favours by watching her as he will phrase it like “I’ve been planning things around you (my work schedule) and I also need to do things”. He makes comments about my forgetfulness and absentmindedness which I agree I am and always have been a little bit but it makes me resent him because I’ve sacrificed sleep to take the financial burden off our family and it’s because of this that I run around like a headless chook. I sleep 3-4 hours a night max. He wouldn’t last if he did one week in my shoes with the sleep deprivation.
I feel like I’m failing at everything even though in my heart I know I’m a super mum and wife. No matter how hard I try to organise or priorities, something is also falling behind and it’s usually me. He says he wants me to take better care of my health and wants me to sleep earlier but bills need to be paid and my little one doesn’t let me sit and work during the day so I don’t understand how I can do this. I feel crap that I can’t make health and fitness a priority. I feel sad that I can’t just have a social life the way I used to. I also want to be present for my little girl as I know she needs me. I feel so stuck and very confused I don’t know what to do or how to approach my family life to give myself some room to breathe and look after myself again.