Find victim of ex

[Laydeehaych]

Hi,

I was in an abusive relationship a few years ago and I googled my ex partner out of curiosity, and I found an article of him showing that he’d been arrested for assaulting a partner of him (the woman’s name hasn’t been published) I was wondering if there’s a way I could find and contact the woman to see if I can support her in anyway since we went through the exact same thing I just didn’t press charges or anything like that.
pls don’t be mean, thanks.

I wouldn't, it might not help her to know that it could of been prevented in her case, bit of a risk to you if she reacts not how you'd hope.

Thanks I didn’t press charges due to lack of evidence

How about the police? For the area in which he was living. They wouldn’t give you her details but might be prepared to let her know that you would be willing to talk to her. I think I would find sharing my experience with someone who’d been through similar, cathartic. And it might be for you, too. Good luck, op.

Honestly I would leave well alone and no they shouldn’t and wouldn’t give you the details I hope to god not anyway. You could be anyone especially if you didn’t take it further yourself. If I was her you would probably be the last person I would want to hear from as if you had taken it future maybe she wouldn’t have got involved with him so she may blame you? Not saying it’s your fault just something to consider

I wouldnt. You may burden each other in fact. If you both feel empathy, you could end up feeling the weight of the other's experience too. What's the point. There's no shortage of women online who've been through this hell.

I wouldn't. And I'd stop googling your ex. That isn't healthy for you.

I've done a lot of work to distance myself psychologically from my abusive ex . The absolute last thing I would appreciate is his presence in my life in yet another way, even through a well meaning person who he also abused.

I wouldn't want offers of "support" from a stranger, and I don't understand what you would hope to achieve? Bonding over your abuse? To what end?

I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think it's a good idea.

I wouldnt. You feel bad but you didnt cause this. I understand the multitude of emotions this must have caused you.
I would write her a letter, get all your thoughts and feelings out then throw the letter in the fire.
You each need your own healing journeys and you are not responsible for hers.

I’d echo the posters above. Also, another point to think about, is that you don’t know she isn’t still with him. Just because he was arrested for assaulting her doesn’t mean they aren’t still in a relationship, have not resumed a relationship or aren’t co-parenting. Contact from you could cause numerous problems.

no leave her alone I think for me that would be a no no

move on he has