My partner and I have been together for 5 years. I know that he very deeply loves me and I very deeply love him , but we have a problem understanding each other. He is a very kind and sweet person.
He enjoys spending money on expensive stuff (drones, computer stuff,cars, motor bikes), most often than not I find it a waste of money and completely unnecessary so I tell him not to.
Despite what I say, he still gets it. He says that he is independent and worked hard for the money, and I completely understand that and get that, it his money. I am trying to save for our future putting aside pretty much all my money for it, for a house for us. Even though he buys it anyway, he maintains that I an taking away his independence. I don’t want to take away his independence at all, i just want him to consider why I am saying it.
My mum is a single mum and sacrificed a lot for my education. I take my education seriously because of the things my mum did to make sure I have the opportunities she never had. Thanks to her sacrifices, I am graduating as a doctor. My boyfriend had to do multiple resits and dropped out of uni , this in all honesty was due to laziness and lack of discipline. He didn’t sit any of his final exams, complete courseworks or go to lectures. I was really really upset and angry at him for dropping out because he didnt speak to anyone about it or think of solutions. I was very upset and I still am because he had a great opportunity that he didn’t take seriously. And in all honesty, i did nag him, i nagged him to do his work and go to uni. I think that may have irritated him but I just wanted him to do well. Regardless, i motivated him to apply for jobs and internships. He doesn’t really take those seriously, i try not to nag and give him solutions such as links to job applications. But i get frustrated because I don’t think he makes it a priority. He has a job now, its a cashier, he makes an ok amount but he doesn’t have any bills or rent as he lives with his parents. But its not a livable amount, and he is a clever boy with potential. He says I am always nagging him and that he is happy being a cashier. He has a group of friends that also dropped out and do random jobs, they often go clubbing and do drugs and get drunk. I worry that he might become like them, and i am sad particularly as he is a smart person with lots of potential and i know deep down he wants a good job and to be accomplished too.
He really enjoys cars, i really dont like it. I tried to watch documentaries on it so we have something in common but I really don’t like it. He wants someone that is more accepting of his car obsession. Whilst I can appreciate he likes it, i cant justify spending ridiculous amounts of money on a unnecessary car when your income isnt that stable. He wants me to be more interested in the things he likes, i tried but I just dont like them.
For me, i love quality time together. We are long distance so I dont expect to see him all the time, about once a month is fine. But a call a day is important to me. When I get back from the hospital, its usually night but thats when he goes to the gym or plays games with his friends. He says gym and games are important for his mental health. Whilst I dont expect him to give up those things for me, i thought he could be a bit more accomodating. But he was upset with me, as I seem to be always telling him what to do. He said that he wants more flexibility, that he wants to call me and see me when he wants. I dont think i am asking for too much, but he says that he feels stressed out by how much i ask.
He seems to have this narrative that I am always trying to tell him what to do. I think that I do too,I feel like I am a crazy person. Please give me some words of advice, is it time I step back?