Married young and now in 60s
When we met at uni he was more outgoing . He seemed a safe haven as i came from a traumatic childhood.
During these early years we got on well .
A few years later , when I was trying to untangle my past via therapy.. i became less intrested in sex . He used porn at this time secretly. This may not seem much to some people but due to the nature of my past i felt terrible. he said he would not do it again .
a couple of years later we had our first child. Again i was off sex . I came home to a womens mag of mine with a pic of a woman showering and the baby baby oil next to it on the loo.
It felt the same. I understand some people would not mind this but to me it felt awful.
its like something froze in me
we had marriage counselling.. at the time it helped but after it finished i feel that i with drew from him
we became like friends
he wanted to stay but sex petered away over the last ten years and now is zero
he no longer hugs me or wants to hug in bed .. he says he just wants to avoid intimacy as he does not want to enter any sexual place .. it's his self protection i know that .
when i go to kiss him he kisses my check or even just puts his face on mine. He is kind to me , looks after me .
he often says i look nice or that i am pretty. He makes little effort with his apperance . He spends much of his time upstairs watching films , listening to music, reading.
he says that the distress i had after the porn etc has made him close down.
so we became friends not husband and wife.
we do enjoy nights out etc but in the house we don't connect.
I feel sad . He feels sad . We cant change the past. we feel like its not good but dont want compound things by splitting up . We are both 60 plus .
he went away for a few days and i didn't want him to come back .
We care about each other but it feels flat . No fun .
i know we should do more together to connect again somehow . .. but we say it and dont do it . ( been away , had his dinner, with me shower, now upstairs to watch a film and chill after travelling) splitting up would mean a return to full time work to afford a small house eachin a not fab area .
is there anything i can do if i dont want to see him but want to want to .. we have got stuck in the deepest of ruts .
.