He backed off once I invited him to come over

[Catladyireland]

This is a slightly funny one to phrase so I hope I write this correctly.

My on again/off again partner and I have a funny background. In the past I have often found him to be distant and not a great partner. We broke up a few months ago (I ended it) because I wasn't happy but we have kept talking, he is trying his best and I can see that. We have met for dinners, coffees etc but nothing physical has happened while we figure it out.

However, I have taken the 'next step' and invited him over to my house next week. This to me is a clear sign to any adult that I am interested in moving to the next step and he seems to have backed off. To me it was a big step and I thought about it a lot first. He said he'd like to but I haven't heard much from him since (we were previously speaking everyday). This is a bit weird, no?

The best way to keep your dignity is by moving on. No explanations needed unless explicitly requested by your ex, and even then all you owe him is ‘it didn’t work for me’.
good luck, hope you find someone who deserves you, you sound like a lovely kind gentle person!

What's the best way to gain back dignity in this situation?

Glide away, like a swan. Silently and with no fuss. Move on with your life.

If you want to mirror his contact. Don't contact him until he contacts you and then do the same back. So if he texts with how are you. just reply by text with how are you. If he calls you, you can call him back.

Personally I'd leave this one well alone because like I said you will only find that you are picking a scab hoping that you will find beautiful healed skin underneath but you will just be making it bleed more and probably get infected, badly.

Thanks for the wise words. I feel like my adult senses and wisdom have left the building when it comes to this man! 💐

I suspect he will come back again once lonely. I bet he's now sitting at home thinking 'woah she's a bit too interested for me now'. 😅

He finally messaged today, just normal chat and I mentioned having some nerves about having him over, saying it was a big deal to me and I wanted some reassurance from him. He replied saying 'well we can cancel. It's not a big deal, just a movie and food'.

We're adults; he clearly knows what a movie and food means right?!

The very words 'it's not a big deal' says it all for you.

Whether or not he knows what dinner and a movie means.

Move on, forget him. There are plenty of men that you will find that actually want to be with you and let it be known.

We can cancel...charming. Rather than reassure you. He's not gonna change, none of the problems you felt before have resolved...there is literally no point in getting back together. All you are doing is trying to make him fit the mould and it's not happening. You are gonna end up lowering your standards just to have him around . He sounds tedious, just cut him off and move on.
He's not worth the stress. Please do cancel, he's only in touch with you sporadically for an ego boost. He's not actually interested in you or a relationship.

keojam80 has put it perfectly.

Op please, he's a half arsed lodger.

You don't need this!!!

I mentioned having some nerves about having him over, saying it was a big deal to me and I wanted some reassurance from him. He replied saying 'well we can cancel. It's not a big deal, just a movie and food'.

Come on @Catladyireland why are you persisting with this? WHY?

He's not interested in a relationship with you. He's barely interested in no strings attached sex. You are still in touch with him and STILL mentioning "having him over" and telling him you have "nerves" about it.

What do you think that he will think about you right now? He's made it very clear where you rank in his priorities but you are still knocking on his door and talking about 'having him over'. He will think you have no self respect and are a bit desperate or are obsessed with him and he can walk all over you.

THEN you ask him for reassurance - which even if you had a consensual fuck buddy relationship with a kind/nice person by agreement - you should expect to get or at least a kind word. Do you get that? No. He tells you it's no big deal to him (and yes of course he knows what you mean). He is telling you sleeping with you is very very casual and no big deal.

When a person tells you who they are believe them.

Please please leave this alone.

Otherwise we can expect to see millions of threads from you like

think he doesn't care about me.
I'm confused as he is hot and cold.
I like him but think he's a commitment phobe.
He told me he thinks he's falling for a girl at work.
Why didn't he call me when he said he would
I've fallen in love with my casual sex buddy
He dumped me even though we weren't a couple.
I can't go to work as I've been crying all day.
Why doesn't he love me? Whats wrong with me.

Is that what you want for yourself?