Can you ever come back from a double life?

[MJ5]

Can you ever come back from finding out that your boyfriend had a double life? Someone you thought was ‘the one’ but who turned out to have had a girlfriend for the majority of the time you were dating? (For 9 months) He had finished things with her before I found out, but it still happened behind my back. I’d like to rebuild but I’m struggling to move past it, and I feel so sad because I thought what we had was special.

Stay as far away as you can from anyone who can live a double life.

Nope.

Haven't you posted several times before, you were in a long distance relationship but he was still seeing his ex?

If it's you again then I think it's best to end the relationship as you don't seem to be able to move on even if you wanted to.

No, this wasn’t me x

Ah okay fair enough it just sounded very familiar. 9 months is a long time, so he was effectively cheating on you both. I'd move on.

When you say “come back from” and “rebuild” I assume you mean rebuild your own trust in people so you can have a good relationship with someone else. Yes that is perfectly possible, but you would probably need time, and the help of a good therapist.

If you are talking about whether it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with the person who lied to you and cheated, no that’s not possible and you really shouldn’t try as you will be further damaging yourself.

No

No

No, because my personal experience is the ones that do this once do it again and again. I've had two past relationships with someone like this. Eventually, so many other women came out of the woodwork. One of them actually ended up marrying an ex he was also seeing behind my back a few months after we broke up. He then continued to cheat on her for years after. They are, best I can tell, still together now 20 years later, but gosh, at what cost? That is no way to live looking over your shoulder for decades knowing your husband is a serial cheat.

There are a million decent fish in the sea. No need to settle for a loser. Toss this one back in.

"He had finished things with her before I found out"

Are you sure? It's probably more likely that she found out he was a cheater and dumped him.

Set the bar higher for yourself. You deserve a lot more than this guy.

no....and what for? why would anyone even want to?

No, it's not an acceptable thing do. 9 months was a very long time to continue the lies on both sides. He isn't someone to try and rebuild trust with. Rebuild trust within yourself and try again with someone else in time. This may mean accepting there are things you liked very much about him that draw you back but I don't think it would be wise to offer another chance here. This level of deception isn't something to overlook. It will bite you on the bum later so better to draw a line now.

Eh?! Rebuild a life with someone who is morally bankrupt? Raise your bar love.

@MJ5, you’ll be doing yourself a grave disservice if you stick with such a devious, non-monogamous man who was happy to steal your consent, risk your health, and make a fool of you.

You should want better for yourself.

You can love someone but if the trust has gone, then that’s it.

Sorry, I’d ditch him. He’s been cheating g you for nine months. He got away with it once, what’s to say it won’t happen again.

I know it is sad, but you haven't been together that long if 9 months was most of your relationship.

And I know you 'thought' you had something special but I'm sorry, it was not.

If it was special he wouldn't have been cheating on you practically the full time. The fact he could still make you feel that way just shows you how good a liar he is. No guilt or remorse, just playing two women without a care in the world until caught.

You are struggling to get passed it because your instincts are telling you this wrong. Know your own worth, this guy isn't it and he won't change.

You WILL move on from this x