Girlfriend suddenly needs time to heal from past

[Adviceneeder]

Hello guys,
my gf and I have been together not for such a long time but for her and me it feels like an eternity.
Now she is coming up with her past and that she realized through comments of mine that she hasn't fully healed from her past. She was together with him for about 5 years and she broke up with him November 2022 and got back together in march 2023 and broke up immediately after again. We have been dating since September 2023 and been together since November. Since October we nearly spend every day together and it was always so perfect.
Few days ago she told me she needed time to fully heal but always ensured me that she loves me and she thinks that she needs to heal by herself although we are a couple right now Ive talked to her if she really needs time or just does not have the same feelings but she in ensuring and kinda showing me that she does.
2 Days after she told me I reached out to her to kinda break up and we both decided that we do not want that and really want to be together.
Now last night she said the same thing again, thinking she needs to do it all by herself and that she does not think that I can help her with her healing.
I was thinking, that it doesn't matter what she has been through that im here for her and want to support her in every way but together and not creating a space between us.
She thinks completely different and can't accept the way I think..
I told her that I don't want to do it her way and that it will ultimately destroy our relationship...

Please give me any advice... we both are 25 years old

I hope for your sake I’m wrong but I think she might be trying to decide if she wants to be in a relationship with you at all. This is her way of getting out of your relationship. Letting you down gently?

Let her have her space but I have a feeling she won’t come back.

You’ve been together for 2/3 months. This all sounds way too intense. She doesn’t want to see you as much, I don’t even see my husband as much and we live together with children!

Either back off or accept that she will end it.

I think after a long term relationship and depending on what one has been through there has to be a period of healing. I think she got to a relationship too early.
I come from the same place as her. I split after 20 years and kind of tried to date quickly. I realised I wasn’t ready and need to be on my own and do some work with myself otherwise my next relationship will “pay the price” for unheLed wounds. Let her go and she may return back to you after a few months.

fyi: we both are muslims and she already introduced me her sister and his husband also her circle is small and I already got to know everyone. Her friends and mine been seeing how much we are in love together.. Even her family and mother been saying that they haven't seen their daughter so happy for years..

But yeah I also told her that she kinda letting me down gently

We just have been seeing us so much because we go to the same university and just do little work on the side and been spending our free time together.

She also was a virgin before me

All this making me indecisive

She doesn't want to be with you and is trying to find a way to end it without actually saying that

Sounds like she either isn't over her last relationship or she is thinking of excuses to end things. Regardless, this is going nowhere.

Hold on, she was with someone for 5 years and didn't lose her virginity to him, but she's been dating you for 3 months and decided to lose her virginity? That's a huge deal in itself (if true)

Absolutely this!

And if she changed her behaviour so quickly, she may be realising she got in too deep too quickly and needs some space to reassess what she needs.

Give her space. If you insist you won’t, you will definitely break up. If she has time to get her head together, you may still have a future.

Either way, you are rushing things too much.

You can’t control this- it’s entirely up to her. You can’t healthily persuade her, or do the thinking and feeling for her. She has to be free to do that herself.

Back off.

She is gently breaking up with you.

She doesn't want to be with you. You are a rebound relationship and you are pushing her for much more than she wants. Your feelings are irrelevant frankly - as is claiming that her family and friends think the two of you are 'in love'.

You don't really know her, and you certainly don't know what's best for her. Just accept that this is over. You sound far too intense and she doesn't want that.

This statement struck me too. Sounds like she isn't able to reconcile sex before marriage and her religion (or her own morals). Too much, too soon. If you really care for her then give her space so she can work out what she actually wants and needs.

Respect her decisions and take what she is telling you seriously.

She has unresolved and unmanageable issues that prevent her from being suitable for any relationship currently.

It is necessary for her to reevaluate her life and sort herself out by herself.
Regardless if truthful or not, respect her decisions.

She's in love with her ex, and they can't seem to move on currently or permanently from one another.
Don't be with someone like this.

Leave her alone permanently, and perhaps work on yourself for a bit before getting involved with anyone again.

Work towards moving on.

Respectfully, you are/were just a rebound /temporary escape and option for her...