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Relationships

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Living apart

5 replies

JackBailey · 04/01/2024 23:00

Hi all, I have a quick question. So me and my OH have been together for a long time. I'll make a long story short. My OH mum lived in another country with him when he wanted to live in the UK. So my parents kindly offered him to move in with us. Ok he did and he lived with us for a fair few years. During this time, me and him ended up constantly fighting over anything, hated eachother to the point of nearly breaking up a few times. He moved out a couple years now and I still live with my parents due to my mum having health problems and honestly, I like living here. I have the upstairs as my own little flat basically. Anyway, he moved out and is almost constantly telling me how this isn't normal, us not living together, how this isn't fair on him, how depressed he is because I won't live with him, how childish I am because I still love with them etc etc. I go over his from Thursday evening to Monday morning because it's what he wants, he told me I had to basically. Since he moved out, other than arguing about me not wanting to live with him, we have been better in every possible way. Im happier than I have ever been with him and my life ATM the way it is. I can do what I want, when I want. Yeah I live with my parents at 34 but I'm really happy. That's all that matters right? Another thing I should mention, he makes me pay his water bill each month because apparently he pays every bill for us living there even though I've told him till I'm blue in the face I don't live with him, I pay for all our food for the weekend etc when I'm there and I also do house work like his washing, washing up and cooking.

I just want to know if living apart is completely normal or am I insane/a child for still wanting to live with my parents instead of him?

Thanks all

OP posts:
Dotty87 · 04/01/2024 23:41

What is normal? If you're happy the way things are don't change them, he needs to accept that.

Why are you doing is housework and paying bills at a property you don't live in? I'd be willing to bet he would dump more on you once he's got you living together full time.

Stop paying his bills, split the food costs 50:50, live your life the way you want to and if he can't take it I would be rethinking the relationship.

Valid8me · 04/01/2024 23:45

You say that you don't live with him yet you do spend half the week there...

SamW98 · 04/01/2024 23:45

A lot of people have perfectly good relationships not living together. In fact it’s the way forward for some. I would certainly never cohabitate again.

Though why are you doing his housework, paying his bills and supplying all of his good while you’re there? He’s taking the piss

NewmemyselfandI · 04/01/2024 23:48

I think lat can work but both should be in agreement. If you are there 4 days a week itd be fair to share some of the costs particularly if you live with your parents so not like he stays at your sometimes.
I have been strugling with the prospect of moving in together as I agree the living apart has loads of plus sides but you shouldn't be arguing about this, you deserve a choice and so does he, and you should be prepared he might end the relationship if living with someone full time is important to him.

anotherdisaster · 05/01/2024 12:09

Does he just want you to move in with him so you will pay half the bills? Thats what it sounds like.

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