I wonder if I'll ever like my DH again

[coucoululu]

I can't stand my husband. We have no spark. I have no interest in kissing him or making love other than because of a natural urge. I feel like he's a bumbling buffoon.

I've made threads in the past where people have asked if I'm a troll because the stuff he does is so stupid. Today he said he thought donor kebab was healthy. He went to Oxford and yet comes out with the dumbest stuff. I feel like I'll get flak for being rude but I tried to put it all diplomatically and I'm so fed up of him.

When we were dating he was a total arsehole to me eg. Called me fat, hairy etc. When I wanted to break up he admitted he watched youtube videos on how to flirt. Since then he's been the kindest person ever.

Sometimes I feel like I've married a child..

I'm sorry MN. I'm going to use this thread to document all the irritating stuff he does and I welcome comments.. and maybe it will reveal to me whether I'm a total bitch and hate him for no good reason or if everyone agrees DH is infuriating and an overgrown child.

HONESTLY, why are men so fucking dumb sometimes. And how the fuck is it that they're the ones in power in this world. You wouldn't believe I was once one of those women who would never ever complain about their husband. I can't believe what I've become sometimes

So a question about salary is sexist but you asking "Why are men so fucking dumb?" isn't?

He sounds horrendous and. I couldn’t live with a man like that but even if by some strange twist “it is you not him” it doesn’t matter.
Your marriage is DOA

Honestly, just rip the plaster off, tell him and start the divorce process.

When the irritation with someone becomes constant and you know they can’t change and you are physically turned off by them then it’s definitely time to leave.

You claim to have nothing but contempt for him, think he's a child and are on here attention seeking whilst badmouthing him. He may or not be what you say that he is, but based on what you have said here you are the unpleasant and stupid one who sticks with someone they despise. Financial, cowardice, comfort perhaps.

@coucoululu

I hope your talk goes well when you do have it. If it's not happened yet, be very clear in your mind what you are going to say to him and what resolution you want from that conversation. Be very clear in what you say to him (however kindly) and don't allow yourself to give allowances or promises you don't want to or can't follow through on.

I'm unsure if you have children with him - if you do, even more of a reason to tread carefully as emotions may run high. I'm assuming you've already researched how your manage financially, especially if children are involved. Good luck to you both for a happier future, whatever decision is reached. 🌹

Is that you Carrie?

:)

Hate is a strong word. Resent, not attracted to, disappointed in… hate though just sounds so harsh. That said just because you aren’t supposed to feel a certain way, doesn’t stop you feeling it. Plus you can’t hate anything you didn’t once on some level love.

That said, line of work I’m in is male dominated. Lots with big titles and bigger salaries and for similar reasons you’ve highlighted (capability) wouldn’t hire or work for any of them. What’s obvious to us it seems is not obvious across the board.

Wonder if he’s the lightning rod too for your understandable disillusionment with the reality of who you thought he was and who he is really. Best you can do is summon every nerve and sinew to rationalise your feelings, even on a basic humanity level and never show or tell him what you’ve said here. It’s not wrong just any of us be crushed hearing the person we thought was our life partner being so scathing.

You could also commit to being, despite him being infuriating a really civil, respectful and calm person when you divorce. If you do you’ll look back and hopefully feel satisfied that even in worst of circumstances given your true feelings towards him that being a decent person regardless came first. Good 🍀 luck.

Zombie thread.

The OP obviously didn't get far with her outpouring.

We all make stupid mistakes, I know I've made a few but hopefully we learn from them.
The important thing is today and what you want today. I'd get the divorce rolling, take what you are entitled to by law and go. You can do it all online if you want, that's what I did it's really easy and of course it's no blame now so there won't be any accusations about who did what.
You don't even have to stay with him until the divorce is settled, you can take your stuff and go if you have somewhere to go or can afford to rent something.

Chicken shish yes. Anything doner = mashed up mush yuk

Do you genuinely 'need' sex enough to have it with him when not attracted? Do you get an orgasm out of it?

I don't have that high of a drive / I wish I did.