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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you keep your social life going?

14 replies

theprincessthepea · 04/01/2024 21:43

I’m listening to an interesting podcast and they are talking about loneliness and the importance of keeping up a social circle. Whether that is through hosting dinners or volunteering or craft clubs or family meet ups or always being on the phone etc.

Im very curious to hear about how you keep your social life going? I’ve just noticed a dip in my socialising and I didn’t catch up with as many friends as I wanted to over the holidays (I usually go to Christmas parties and lunches but declines because of health). I do have my daughter and OH so never lonely but I do miss other company.

I’d love to know how you maintain your social life.

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 04/01/2024 21:53

I schedule regular meet-ups with friends! I try to meet up with someone at least once a week. I’m lucky in that I don’t have one big group of friends but lots of disparate friends instead. I am able to rotate them, IYSWIM, and see each friend once every 1-3 months.

By ‘schedule’, I mean keep track of when I last saw a friend and reach out if it’s been a while. Same with texting - I regularly scroll through WhatsApp and check when I last messaged someone.

smurfmonkey · 04/01/2024 21:56

My social life dried up a bit when I was with my previous partner, when we split up I started saying yes to going to things I may not have usually said yes to. I've met new friends through existing friends and have made sure I make an effort to keep in touch with them all much more than I did previously.

I also joined a Facebook group for people looking for gig buddies and made a new mate that way as well.

Basically I put myself completely out of my comfort zone and have made myself be more sociable!

cigarettesNalcohol · 04/01/2024 22:06

Like pp, I make sure I message friends regularly to schedule meet ups.

With local friends it's every week. Friends who I've known for years but live far away it's approx twice a year that we meet up.

I love socialising and meeting up. I message and organise. Don't overthink it. Just get the date in the diary and show up. I'm not friends with flakey people which also helps.

Deliberationdivinationdesperation · 04/01/2024 22:18

Crushed23 · 04/01/2024 21:53

I schedule regular meet-ups with friends! I try to meet up with someone at least once a week. I’m lucky in that I don’t have one big group of friends but lots of disparate friends instead. I am able to rotate them, IYSWIM, and see each friend once every 1-3 months.

By ‘schedule’, I mean keep track of when I last saw a friend and reach out if it’s been a while. Same with texting - I regularly scroll through WhatsApp and check when I last messaged someone.

This is pretty much what I do as well! I haven't managed once a week for a while but can go one month where Im out with friends 4-5 times and then maybe a month where I see friends once or twice.

Similar to the pp my friends are mostly separate as well so don't need to try to organise a good date and time for one large group.

Also helps that my husband is happy for me to go out and have our 1yo at home

incomeout · 04/01/2024 22:29

Can I ask what podcast it is please?

I don't have any tips but when I am in a social situation I really try to be interested and engaged.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2024 22:57

Old school friends, we have a WhatsApp group where we chat randomly. Have one weekend away a year, try and get out kids together in the holidays, and do random stuff like theatre etc when possible.
Old uni friends, owe have a quieter WhatsApp group and meet up for one weekend a year.
Volunteer for Beavers so we go out twice a year but chat between sessions on Messenger.
Volunteer for Samaritans and have a couple of friends where it's transferred out to a few proper meet ups a year (we do not live nearby each other)
Couple of Mom friends we message on and off on Messenger and meet up with the kids occasionally or meet up for an adult only cinema trip etc.
School Moms we do try to do adult out once a term. We do Santa with kids every year.
Bestie, we just accept we're crazy busy ATM. We've had our time of seeing each other 5 times a week, now we have kids and they're young, work, etc. we see each other when we can. We grab an hour here and there and accept our friendship with outlast this time.
Also I'm happy to do stuff alone. Movies, theatre, etc.
Poor DH and I rarely get to socialise together because we have three kids.

NotSuchASmugMarriedAnymore · 04/01/2024 23:01

Also interested in what podcast it is as it sound good

I work with the elderly and loneliness in later life is truly terrible. I don't want to get to that stage so I do my best to get out and about and I don't mean zoom meet ups!

It really is just a case of getting out there.

OldTinHat · 04/01/2024 23:39

I moved to an area where I didn't know a soul. I joined an adult education class, got talking to a lady who introduced me to a Meetup group.

I've now got far, far more friends than I ever had before. We meet for lunches or for coffee, the cinema, at our houses, in pairs or 15 of us, quizzes, events, a walk. I can honestly say I have friends. I've just climbed out of 2wks of not seeing anyone over Christmas and I've been 'told off' individually and severally.

mondaytosunday · 05/01/2024 00:25

You have to put yourself out there. I moved after my husband died to a completely new area. I had young kids snd that helped in that I saw other parents at drop off/pick up and there were weekly coffee mornings. But to take it beyond that you have to invite someone to coffee or lunch or whatever. Not everyone will be open to it but a few will and if you click then off you go! I found many people were happy to make a new friend, though occasionally it didn't go anywhere.
Now I make sure to get everyone together in a regular basis and keep in touch with everyone even though I've now moved away. In my new place I joined neighbourhood WhatsApp group and have met a few people through that. You have to make the first move though.

theprincessthepea · 05/01/2024 01:07

incomeout · 04/01/2024 22:29

Can I ask what podcast it is please?

I don't have any tips but when I am in a social situation I really try to be interested and engaged.

@incomeout its Diary of a CEO. I know it’s also a podcast but I watched it on BBC. The part where he talks about social circles is in the middle somewhere.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0fjnmcm

BBC - The Diary Of A CEO, Series 1, Paul Brunson

Paul unlocks that it’s connection to each other that makes a lasting relationship.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0fjnmcm

OP posts:
theprincessthepea · 05/01/2024 01:28

@NotSuchASmugMarriedAnymore I have put the link above. There is a part where he talks about a woman that is 110 years old who he met and she has friends that she speaks to on a daily basis as it keeps her going.

Company is so important

OP posts:
EBearhug · 05/01/2024 01:50

You have to work at it. In the last month, I've met with school friends, ex-colleagues, former housemate, family. Have also been in touch with uni friends and overseas friends - coming up to Christmas helps, to be fair.

But I have a personal rule that I don't turn down invitations unless I'm already booked or it's something I really won't do (and currently can't afford, as I've no income right now) - no point taking me karting or to a fish tasting menu, for example.

It means I I'm travelling somewhere, I'll usually ping someone who lives nearby or en route to see if we can manage a meet up - especially as i luve in a town people don't tend to visit for fun. It also meant I accepted as a childless person, I was probably going to have to do more travelling while friends had young children (things are improving now we're of an age where most of those kids are teens or older.)

I also have various local things I'm involved with - regilar sport, language lessons and so on. Obviously parents will have less free time, but it opens other opportunities- at my mother's funeral, there were people from the baby sitting circle they'd had about 35 years earlier, other school and swimming club parents and so on.

I sometimes wonder who would make the effort if I didn't, but it's not an experiment I want to undertake, as I'd probably be the one ending up all alone.

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